I don't want to lose you

Today proved to be fruitful. I managed a new poem, well. It isn't really good as my mood was, for once. Not good when I wrote it. Anyway...

It had never occurred to me
People were that bad.
I thought that they were kind,
I didn't know they were this mad.

Screwing up someone else's life
Is something I'll never do.
However, when someone accuses you of that,
how the hell am I suppose to feel?

Am I suppose to leave you?
Are these feelings suppose to end?
So what if I were to leave you alone,
Will anything change then?

Pardon me, I'm selfish.
I still need you to go on.
This obstacle will not affect us,
NO one will ever break our bond.

Its lousy but...whatever, Perfect for how I felt.
Geog is interesting. Mrs wong crushed a lizard alive. I was screaming on my chair.
And guess what? I passed my 2.4. My mood changed from happiness, to worried. And finally, I was freaking mad. I know my boyfriend, if he doesn't want to leave. NO ONE, not even me can get him to leave. Damn it, my mood did soften though. But its like...so whatever.
My first thought was to break up with him immediately but I slapped myself for being this childish. I will get through this, with him. Its not gonna break us, its gonna strengthen us. I bring this relationship before you daddy god, bless it. Make it flourish, make it last.
During my 2.4, a lot of things were on my mind. One main thing was, Amos and Alwyn.
Alwyn is still emoing but I'm not pissed, more of worried. I can't tell anyone. Koori cant be bothered, Im not allowed to tell van or amos. AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP IT TO MYSELF? AM I IN THIS ALONE?
Glad that I got that out, and glad that Amos and van are talking. Looks like our path is getting brighter. Cheer up dear :)
I realized that I am already ready for a life together with him(I'm not referring to marriage), just being together with him. And stuff. Calling him everyday become a daily thing. If I don't worry about him, somethings very wrong with me then. I'm also getting the hang out balancing social life with him. Thanks for your support everyone. Especially with the L4D team and Kor.
I shan't blog any further.
Later,

Yuki is happy

L4D new team, Kor, me chris and dear. Of course, the old one would not be replaced. But I can't wait to see how kor plays L4d. Yeah, I got my bro back. ^^
I suppose the two most interesting days would be saturday and sunday,
Went to dear's house on sat. Ate, played L4D, talked a little...and yeah. Went to plaza sing to meet chris. Ate at Burger king, collected our rings. ^^ Us and us alone 2 would be up...soon.
Then went to play L4D, died countless times before dear managed to escape while chris and I died. Then we went to the arcade. I played KoF, time crisis. They played some...new game. And then dear and I left for bishan to eat. Ate yoshinoya. Recieved a message from Jeremy saying he saw me. And yeah, we started talking.

Met up with dear at AMK on sunday. Went to eat at food court. Then, went to arcade for awhile before going library. Went back to AMK to meet alwyn, jeremy, amos, shaun ong. Then went to arcade. Then to library. Then me and dear went off to arcade to play KoF with joseph. Then after that, walked back to library, this time, with jeremy. Studied for awhile. Played at playground, then went to eat before going back to the arcade to watch kor play sango. It was an interesting game.
Hm, the day ended just like that. I want to see him, badly. The one that turns me on.

Is my relationship that interesting?

I don't understand, why is people so concerned about my love life?
Its getting annoying, SERIOUSLY.

I was just so fed-up yesterday. Even my thinking got screwed. Can't do anything, just felt like sleeping. And never wake up.
In the end, I didn't even sleep much. =X Woke up at 5.30 at started stoning.
Today is the last day of school. Thank goodness.
Will be going out tomorrow to collect something and to play L4D. I miss the game. ^^

Viewty viewty. Still haven't gotten it off my mind yet.

Quiz time, tagged by Van-san

1. Spell your name without an E,R,S,H,K,I,M,L,C,A,Y,N,T,B
Zo

2. Are you single?
Nope.

3. What is your favourite number?
5

4. What is your favourite color?
Black

5. Least favourite color?
Shocking pink

6. What are you listening to now?
Never be replaced

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
You can say that.

8. Are you involved with anyone?
Involved in a relationship.

9. What is your favourite subject in school?
Probably lit.

11. Do you have money?
No, im absolutely broke.

12. Where do you wish you were right now?
In YJC, beside him,

13. If you had to get a tattoo, where would you want it? and what would it be?
I want it to be on my ankle, of a scorpian

THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?
Of course, those 1 dollar bottles you can get at mini mart

Can you do a cart wheel?
Yeah

Can you touch your toes?
Yeah, obviously

Can you wiggle your ears?
No

Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
Thats gross.

THE DIDS:
Did you ever want to be a doctor?
YEAH!

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
Once.

Did you ever want to be a teacher?
When I was young.

THE DOs:
Do you like roller coasters?
Yeah

Do you own a bike?
No, I can get people to ride and I sit behind.

Do you play the lotto?
Hate that

Do you like watching football?
No but I will know the scores sooner or later.


THE DOES:
Does your wallet have any pics in it?
No

THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?
Wan feng

Last car ride?
Hmm...

Last baby you held?
The baby at swensens who cried when i held it.


LAST THING:
What was the last thing you bought?
Green tea.

What was the last thing you had drink?
My 2nd bottle of green tea.

What was the last thing you watched?
Haruhi episode.

What was the last thing you read?
Smses

What was the last thing your hand wrote?
My story.

THE WHOS:

Who last talked to you on the phone?
Amos

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Wan feng

Last person to leave you a comment?
Not sure, my oral teacher?

Who do you miss right now?
The L4D team.

Who last hugged you?
Wan feng.

CURRENTLY:
What colour shirt are you wearing?
Red

Have any tattoos?
I wish.

Have you any piercings?
nope.

Straight hair or curly?
Straight

Where are you right now?
Home.

HAVE YOU EVER:
Failed a class test?
As usual.

Sang in front of a crowd?
Today, in class.

THREE RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:
1. In a relationship? Yes
2. Want a relationship? I already have one damn it
3. Wanna get married? Yup

FOUR THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. N levels.
2. L4D team
3. Oral results.
4. How to survive the next 8 days.

When was the last time you really laughed?
Probably today during english class.

Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
Yeah

Who knows a big secret about you?
Wan feng

How long is your hair?
Long
When was the last time you sang out loud?
Today, bouken desho desho!

What did you have for breakfast?
A slice of cake

Is your birthday on a holiday?
No.

What instant messaging service do you use?
MSN

Are you signed on it right now and if so, who are you talking to?
Amos who is not replying me

Can you cook?
Yeah cooking ftw!

Did you have a nap today?
In class.

What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Xin wang. Cos it used to be my working shirt.

Do you have any regrets?
Alot of them.

Do you use an alarm clock?
Yes

Where was your default Facebook picture taken?
It was not taken, it was made

What's the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
How he looks.

Who would you like to see right now?
Wan feng and my mum

Are you a social or antisocial person?
Somewhere in between the both

Have the cops ever come to your house?
Yes

Do you have a tan?
I cant tan,

Ever had braces?
No, soon though.

Are you afraid of the dark?
YES, VERY

Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
What the hell?

What's your favourite commercial at the moment?
None, they're either too boring or too retarded

Do you always wear your seat belt?
Only when Im sitting in the front.

Who of the opposite sex do you have feelings for?
Wan feng, my boyfriend. ^^

Do you like American Idol?
NO

How do you feel about piercings and tattoo?
I have 5 piercings and I want a tattoo.

Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
It depends

What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries!

Does anyone love you?
Duh, im always loved

Where is one place you want to visit?
TOKYO!

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Um, should be

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Im more active in night

Are you a forgiving person?
Used to be

Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
No, I always get drunk at home

Who was the last person to smoke a cig in your presence?
My dad

Are you taller than 5'6?
?

Ever threw up?
Yes

Ever had a crush on a teacher?
Yeah

Ever been punched in the face?
Yes, this morn

Ever punch someone?
Yes

Wan feng, do this man! And Alwyn, amos and...everyone that is reading this, yes, including you.

Only for you

I only model for you, and no one else.
Because...ah well. You already know the reason. Have a good day in school.

Had quite an interesting day yesterday. Tiring but definitely interesting.

Lessons

I suddenly felt that the 1 episode of Haruhi on my psp has taught me a valuable lesson.
And that is to listen to someone else's advice.

Yes, dear is right, That episode is a major spoiler.
But it has also made me realise that dear likes ponytails. In a way, it had made me love my own ponytail. And my hair too. Cos I can tie french plait now. ^^

Was wronged BADLY in class today, Didn't know whether to cry, laugh or glare at her. I glared at her, laughed in my heart and tried my hardest not to cry. In the end, I learnt that I have no basic manners. Wow. If I have no manners...I shall not carry on.
I have also learnt that I miss my shampoo more then I actually know. My hair FINALLY smells fine.

Didn't manage to blog yesterday as I was crashing at grandma's place and would be for the next 10 days. Damn, I hate it there, like seriously. No comp, no nothing. She doesnt allow me to talk later then 10 pm. Like...wtf?
Talked to dear yesterday. Felt damn lonely as his voice was the closest thing to home. Didn't sleep well. Woke up, had to go home for money. Ran 11 rounds for morn run before realizing today was no air con and fan day till 11.05. Hot until cannot hot.
So many people was affected, in every lesson, sure can hear someone saying about smell.
I stink! Couldn't wait to get home to bathe. Shiok.

Random info: I want LG Viewty.

I never know what I have until its gone

How many times did I wish she'll leave for Denver earlier? The day had came but why do I feel so empty? I can't stand the thought of living with grandma for 10 days. Now I know, I sort of had no curfew even if I complained I had. Cos they expect me back before 8.30. Crap.
But not to mention, I can talk on the phone longer there...But I miss her. Mum, come back soon.

I had the sudden urge to pon school today. Since im only going to be following the same old routine. Wait, its friday's timetable. No pe but...its damn sian.
On the brighter side, I SHOULD be getting LG viewty if nothing goes wrong. Dear is already complaining about my old sound system, mum is pretty fine.

Should be getting either black or dark silver.





























Off to school, this is a useless post as Im doing this to keep myself from going insane over dear and viewty.

Whats the ending?

Van mentioned she could not fore see any ending. Makes me wonder, what lies in store for me and my beloved? I can't see, but yet, it seems everyday we are taking a step towards our future. I have a bad feeling about something, like something BIG is about to happen. Im guarding and losing trust in everyone. That sucks. I hate not trusting anyone.

I take a step forward, each day. Unsure of what lies ahead. I want your hand, your words, those familiar arms. That whisper, your voice.

So many things, so little time, Long post alert.

There's so many things, so many problems, so many idiots in school(This is out of the topic but I just felt like putting this in), The general thing is, I don't have time.
I didn't know what happened in school today, from 7.00 am to 3.10 pm. All I ever focused on, was on my friends and beloved. Ice-kun, Van-san, Amos and Alwyn. Okay, I admit. I was dumb in remembering the past that lost me 45 mins of precious sleep time when I have so many friends close to me. But if I didn't stay up, I wouldn't have gotten van-san's email and phone number. Hmm..food for thought. The only lesson I was ever really interested in was maths. But this would come later. I have to take a shower. Back.
Maths lesson...
...My card is almost outta money but anyway. Mrs wong was there early, recieved a disturbing message..make that 2 of that messages and requested to go to the toilet. Permission granted, sprinted there. Called dear but when he called back, someone came into the toilet.
Koori, here's your answer. You would have realised by now, your words are by far, the most important to me. When you told me about the clients thing, I felt disappointed. I was ready to shut everything off and wallow in self-pity. I believed you for a second. But, something you told me kept me listening. You told me to trust my judgment, the guy I like would NEVER do this to me. Got your answer?
Went back to class. She was talking about probability and I started thinking again. What is the probability of us meeting? With one staying at newton area, another in AMK, another living somewhere Im not sure off, another at the other end of singapore...it is almost 0%. And so many choices I made led to this. Just change one direction of my life and I would not have met you guys. Scary. And then, we started on hands on stuff. Did not really think, had fun with the dices.
After math, she scolded us. And I knew the sleeping in class thing was directed to our group. Sorry mrs wong, I was really really tired. I rarely sleep in math class. Gimme some credit?

Waaaay back in the morn, someone asked me if I had 3 boyfriends. I gave her the reply, YES. Whatever, isn't that the answer she wanted to hear? To say it in the kindergarden way, yes. I have 3 boy-friends. Get it? Lame, yeah. I know. But what did they want in the first place? What they wanted was what I gave them. Think about it.
Sms-ed van-san. I enjoy her company, her messages. She can really get me thinking, which was what kept me occupied the entire day. Till 3.10. And then took a slow walk home. When I opened the door, I usually hear the quiet echo of my footsteps. But now, I actually heard his voice when I opened the door. A simple whisper, a simple phrase, "I love you." It might be my imagination, but in a way. It is not cos he actually does. But whether he was thinking of it at that time or not, I would not know.

No one but you.

Koori - chan: 1 thing 2 do. 3 words 4 you. I love you.
Yes. I definitely do. I promise, I will not mention Jeremy again. Or jean. Like I said, i'll focus, on OUR future. So please, do stop worrying. You're fine the way you are. Relationships are meant to give you happiness. Not stress.
The moment when you said you loved me, I just couldn't find the words to describe how I felt. My eyes welled up with tears, tears of joy. I probably can't find someone that loves me more then you do. But even if I could, there is no one that I can love so much. Beyond all the unbearable longing to see you, tears, pain, stress, there is the unmistakable happiness. I. Am. Happy.

Went to celebrate Lao ma's birthday today. Food was okayy, service was fine. Timing sucks.
After that, met feng and amos at raffles place mrt. Then sat train down to plaza. Went to couple lab. Thanks dear. I know it was expensive, I will ALWAYS wear that ring, except maybe when Im bathing.
Then walked with amos for a little while. After he left, we went to carls jr. Shared a meal with him. Then went to library study. Managed to finish 1 chapter before we went to the usual rooftop. It was the best, EVER.
When you asked me who Jeremy was to me, my head was whirling. I was frightened by the look in your eyes, but I couldn't tear myself away from that look. Your grip was firm, I knew you wanted my answer. I thought, of how to phrase my answer. He is nothing, but someone in my past. But, I treasure my past. Because if I didn't go through what I did, I wouldn't be who I am.
When you asked me if I loved you, your look was even more intense. When you leaned in, I couldn't think anymore. When I could finally think again, my past was gone, only my future remained. However, I knew I had hurt you. I'm sorry. Maybe in your eyes, Im mature. But...Im still a mature kid. You have to believe me, im afraid of losing you too.
Stared out at the night view, the smell of the fresh air plus his scent, I miss it.

Walked to the bus stop. 70-ed back. He was pretty quiet on the ride home. However, I knew I was still on his mind because whenever the bus jerks, his arms would always secure me. Somehow, I felt so useless. I couldnt make you smile, you look so weary, so tired. However, I still can't tear my eyes from yours. When you said we should see each other less, my heart sank even if I knew you're right. I reached out to touch your face one last time before you went on the bus. I couldnt walk for a few minutes when the bus pulled away from the stop. I miss you, terribly.
Strolled home, bathed. Chatted, now blogging.

I don't know how to put the rest of my feelings in words. But please dear, know that I love you and I don't want to lose you.

Run baby run, don't ever look back, they'll tear us apart if we give them the chance.

I won't turn back and look at the past. Cos after that kiss, im even more sure.
You're the one.
The past lays forgotten, only my new future with you lays ahead.

Im trying. Really...I am

Dear, from now on.
I'll try not to
-use sia
-use vulgarities
-use 'cannot arh'
and i can't remember all the other things that make you unhappy. I will not do it. But give me time, I need time to change.

From who I was and to become someone new.
The thought is really scary, freaky.
Like, woah. Me not using those words are a little hard to imagine.
But if it's for you,
Fine. Im willing to change.

I love him. Alot.
The way that he would call, and try to sound cheerful cos Im always commenting that he sounds emo.
The way that he would ruffle my hair and play with it.
The way that he would carry my bag and sometimes, his camera bag at the same time.
The way that he holds my hand when we're walking.
The way that he looks at my scars
The way that he feels my pain.
The way that he smiles, the way that he would look when I ruffle his hair and then try to make it back.
The way that he looks when he's emoing.
The way his voice sounds, when he's happy when he's sad.
The way that he looks when he's serious.
The way he shouts when he's irritated(usually when we're playing L4D)
The way he sounds when he shouts, "Boomer!" XD
The way he looks when he's tired. The way he looks when he looks at me.
The way he would ask me whether I'm alright.
Theres a hell lot more, but since dear doesnt like long posts. I'll stop here, for now.

I just realised how sweet dear is.

New blogskin

Nice blogskin right? Yeah, I love it.

School was nothing much, was busy designing the canon notebook that dear gave me. Now its unrecognisable. Its my work and I'm proud of it, Thanks to jean who gave me the idea of it.


I think tomorrow's gonna be a busy day.
I will meet up with esther at 11.30 and the entire video team at 12.
Hey hey, I want to eat KFC tmr, I book liao. ^^
Then afterwards, settle whatever I need to after DARE. Cos meeting dear around 5.30?
I want to play time crisis. Meeting jean at the time crisis machine.
Then following dear go chalet. Can't stay for long.
Sunday got lao ma's birthday. Then after that, will go down to suntec for usual bonding session.
First, it was LANing session, now its bonding session. -.-"
Dont know larr, see first. Im so happy my internet is working again.

Can't wait to see dar tomorrow. 26 more hours!

Napfa

For once, i passed everything! From shuttle run to sit and reach. Even incline pull ups. So happy!
Thanks to dear, who told me to share with him my achievements. First thought, WHAT achievements? All my failed ones? But nah, thanks to the grace of my beloved daddy god and dear, I managed to pass. Everything.
So happy.

Now at xiao yee's house. Blogging. And chatting on the phone.
Yupp, love dear larr. So talented. Forgotted to add in the fact that he can make blogkins too.
Julianca's mouth dropped open when I told her that dear is from ACS(I),

Thought of the day: Its not just that we PL girls cannot attract ACS guys. Its just that Its rather hard to find an un-snobbish ACS guy.

Well, I did manage to find. I must be the luckiest girl on earth. XD
Dear was kidding about break ups just now. And I seriously did freeze for awhile.
That thought rarely crossed my mind. Guess its gonna get me thinking for awhile. A very LONG while.

Nvm, I still got energy to kick edmund on sat. So better watch out. XD

Tired...drained...

Its been a long time since you said those words to me, since you used that tone on me. Mum, did it ever occurred to you, Im trying my best?
Called Amos and cried the hell out. Just calmed down when dear called. Thanks you two, :D

Internet couldnt work yesterday. So was on the phone was dear until THEY came back.
Mum was damn bullshit. I wanted to sleep, she still could wake me up and told me to keep the clothes for her. Loads of crap. In the end, had quite a peaceful sleep until I pulled myself out of bed at 6.16 to check on the internet. Thank god it worked.

Have napfa 5 items today. And they changed today's timetable to friday's. A little bo liao, but hmm, on another note, theres no pe. ^^
Nothing much to blog, can't wait for sat. Can kick edmund in the shin.

EDMUND KOH JUN GUO, I am in the best of mood now. So Im gonna kill you on sat. I don't care about soloing cos I am sure I can do it. So you better watch out. XD

Im afraid...really afraid.

I hate myself. I suggested that I back off when I know I can't do it.
Even after everything, I am still deeply in love with you. I really am.

It has only been 4 days. Dear, please don't do this to me..

Please..

You were the one

You were the one that caught my attention the moment you walked into yoshinoya
You were the one whom I thought was good-looking the moment I saw you.
You were the one who attracted me with that smile of yours.

You were the one who amazed me with your leadership skills.
You were the one caring for the weak.(In L4D)
You were the one who guided us without a mistake.

You were the one who I talked to straight after I got the chance to
You were the one who put that long lost smile on my face.
You were the one I refused to admit that I liked.

You were the one whom I missed the whole week.
You were the one that I knew I could like without regret.
However, you were the one whom I feared the most.

You were the one that I longed to see when sunday came.
You were the one that I knew would ease my aching heart.
You were the one who wrote those simple words that I refused to understand.

You were the one who comforted me with your familiar voice.
You were the one who told me to believe in myself.
Finally, at that moment. I knew that, you were the one.

The one I have been searching for...and more.

Insecurities,

Met up with dear today. I decided randomly during english class that I CANNOT wait till sat.
Hence, 854-ed down to yishun. Walked around randomly. Then he came in. Look so cute in his jc uniform! XD PDA-ed abit. ABIT ONLY.

Then walk walk. Then went to find a place where can eat. But in the end, ate at some nice coffee shop. Then slacked at some random block's top storey. 11th storey. Seems like we both like a place where we can be alone.
It seems like the trip there was worth it. I wont give the details for the sake of others reading my blog.

Went back to north point. Bought bubble tea and took pics. Went to pet lovers centre. Suddenly, giddy spell come back while taking pics. Either lighting/brain freeze/blood rush. Either ways, sat 853 back to AMK. Slept on the bus. But stupid uncle kept braking so much. Kept waking up. Then walked with him to my bus stop.

Came back, chatted with chris and amos and alwyn. Dear wasn't online yet. So yeah...but I was bothered in the 76. But its cleared up, so yeah. ^^

To ice-kun: Dear, I promise you I will study hard. And I will. I want to be an independant girl to match up to you, my talented boyfriend. I want to be the girl who walks by your side, holding your hand, lying on your shoulder. I want to be the one that you can proudly tell people that I am your girlfriend. I want to be the best girlfriend you can ever have. I want to make you happy, be your purpose in life. No matter what direction you chose to go, I will always support you.















Us and us alone, taken by ice-kun. No one else can do such wonderful photography.














Taken at north point. Love you larr. No one can make me smile like you do.

Cant wait for sat, cant wait for sat.

When you say nothing at all...

I still can't believe it, whenever I wake up in the morning. I know I'm loved.
And I would reach out to look at his smses and pictures.
And then force myself to get up..-.-"

Yesterday, at live lesson. I was struck by a song I haven't heard in a long time.

The smile on your face lets me know that you love me.
Theres a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me.
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall....
You say it best, when you say nothing at all.

How true. XD

Your words is enough

I couldnt count how many times you told me you missed me over sms. Well, I miss you too.

Just wait for sat, I don't care where you are, I'll just give you a hug the moment I see you.
Thats a promise.

Actions speak louder then words

I love the feeling of your hand in mine more then anything else.

Our story started on 12 april, 120409. And I promise you that it is not a fling, im serious about it.

Went out with feng, amos and alwyn. Damn funny.
But alwyn and amos were so emo! Cheer up guys. Alwyn, you can do it(You know what im talking abt) Believe in yourself, I never thought that it would happen to me either. Miracles CAN happen.

Went out, lunched at BK. But I ate cream puff. Damn sweet damn nice. Then slacked at BK, slept for awhile, tell jokes, feng take pics of figurines...yupp.
Went up to otaku house and the sword shop. Then I went arcade play KoF for awhile. Deprove so much, :(

After that, we went to LAN. Played no mercy advance. Everyone survived. ^^ Feng must be happy.
Then went to carrefour buy sushi. Then alwyn and amos left. Me and feng slacked at the bench.
Then went to suntec. From suntec go millenia walk. Then got photo gallery or something like that, accompany him go and see. Then take photo.
I can always see him taking pictures forever, I never get bored. He looks so serious, its kinda cute. =X

Then went to marina square. Walk walk. Then went up to rooftop where we spent a few hours(I dont know how long). Until the sky was dark.
Went to koufu eat dinner and then went to amk sit 24.

When I walk along the streets of suntec/marina square/millenia walk, I used to be unbearably lonely, I miss them so much. But now, you have closed up all the wounds, erase that longing for them. Thank you for choosing me. I love you.

And now, PICTURES! Haha, took them while he was taking pics.















He was at K box, trying to snap a pic of the light.















Tied the rubberband on dar's fourth finger, you're mine. XD
















So serious, so cute.















Lol.

I love you dar, see you on sat.

Happy 26th post

I wish it was time to put the past behind me.

I wish I could just forget everything and be a happy girl.

But all my old wounds have opened...

How am I supposed to go on?

Once you are tagged.
Answer all the questions honestly, no lying to avoid stuff.

starting time: 2204

name: Zoe

sisters: nope, never had one. Thankfully

brothers: One but hes a bastard.

eye Color: black

shoe size: Dont know, I dont check either

hair: Brownish black

piercings: 3 on right ear. 2 on left ear.

height: 169

what are you wearing right now?
White shirt and pe shorts. And a big big smile!

where do you live?
Singapore

favorite number: 5, 17

favorite drink: Passion fruit yoghurt bubble tea. XD

favorite month: April, may. November and December

favorite breakfast: Pancakes with lots and lots of maple syrup!

***********Have You Ever***********

broken a bone: Should have bah

been in a police car: No

been on a plane: Yupp!

been in a hot tub: Ya, the cheapo one in my house.

swam in the ocean: No, hell. I want to.

fallen asleep in school: Only the starting of this year.

broken someone’s heart: Even if i would like to say no, the answer is yes.

cried when someone died?: I always do.

fell off your chair: More then I would like to admit

sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yeah, in the end he didnt call.

saved e-mails: Unless they're really important.

been cheated on: Yes

***********What is************

your room like?
Lots of posters, stuffed toys...girlish lar.

what is right beside you?
My hp, ipod. And my huge mirror.

what is the last thing you ate?
Macaroni.

———————-Ever Had- ————————-

chicken pox: yes.

sore throat: yes.

stitches: Yes

broken nose: No, thankfully.

————————-Do You————————–
believe in love at first sight?
Yes.

like picnics: Romantic ones.

wear contact lenses or glasses?
Contacts, my eyes are bigger.
———————————————————

who was the last person you danced with?
Myself.

who last made you smile?
Wan feng
————————–Who—————————

did you last yell at?
The person that tagged me, Alwyn.

———-Final Questions————-

what are you listening to right now?
Cha jian er guo.

what did you do today?
Confessed, cry, smile, argued with mum. And talked on the phone ^^

hate someone in your family?
Sometimes.

diamond or pearl?
Diamond

are you the oldest?
Youngest.

indoors or out doors?
Outdoors with my friends
——————Today did you———————-

1. talk to someone you like?
Yeah. For very very long

2. kiss anyone?
Hell no.

3. get sick?
I was sick already.

4. sing?
I sing everyday.

5. talk to an ex?
Yeah. I kinda talk to him everyday.

6. miss someone?
He's always on my mind. XD

7. eat?
Not long ago

—————-Last person who——————

8. you talked to on the phone?
Wan feng.

9. made you cry?
Wan feng.

10. went to the movies with?
Alwyn I think.

11. you went to the mall with?
Amos, wan feng and alwyn.

——————Have you——————-

19. been to Mexico?
no.

20. been to USA?
no.

——————-Random——————–

21. have a crush on someone?
Obviously.

22. what books are you reading right now?
Im not reading anything except my smses.

23. best feeling in the world?
Knowing that Im loved.

24. future kids names?
I'll think abt it.

25. do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
It always ends up on the floor.

26. what’s under your bed?
My file and...

27. favorite sport(s) to watch?
I hate sports.

28. favorite place:
Plaza sing, amk hub and the LAN shops.

32. who do you really hate?
Hypocrites.

33. do you have a job?
Im still studying.



37. What time is it now?
2319

and...

Now, here's what you're supposed to do...and please do not spoil the fun. Create a new note, copy and paste this message, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then tag a few good friends and family INCLUDING the person who tagged you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known things about your friends and family. Have FUN!

1. Real name: Zoe
2. Like it: Yuki or Aquarias
3. Single or taken: Taken
4. Zodiac sign: Aquarias
5. Male or female: Female.
6. Age: 16
7. Height: 169
8. Lucky number: 5 or 7
9. Eye color: black
10. Hair color: Brownish black
11. long or short: Long
12. Marital status: single.
13. Are you a health freak: I have to be,
14. Where is question 14?: Gone to hell.
15. Do you have a crush on someone: Im already taken.
16. Do you like yourself: in vain or selfish way? I love others more.
17. Piercings: 3 on my right ear, 2 on my left.
19. Righty or lefty: Right.
20. Favorite color: Black, white.
21. Least favorite color: Dont know,

FIRSTS

22. first kiss: Shawn(ex)
23. first piercing: My first two earholes, when I was 6.
24. first best friend: When I was in nursery, EVERYBODY was my best friend. -.-"
25. first award: None.
26. first sport: Running
27. first pet: Fishes
28. first vacation: Thailand
29. first car: I cant drive yet.
30. first crush: I can't remember.

CURRENTLY

31. what time is it: 2323. Hell stop asking me this.
32. where are you: Home.
33. wish: to see ice-kun happy everyday.
34. about to: sleep.
35. listening to: All the things she said
36. waiting for: ice-kun to come back from dinner
37. wearing: white shirt and pe shorts
38. annoyed about: nothing
39. eating: nothing
40. drinking: nothing

FUTURE

41. want kids?: I just got traumatised by a child birth vid I didnt even watch.
42. want to get married?: Of course.
43. careers in mind?: Psychologist.
44. dream car?: a Ferrari.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX

45. lips or eyes?: I dont care.
46. hugs or kisses: Hugs.
47. shorter or taller: Taller, so i can lie on his shoulders.
48. tan skinned or light: Heck care.
49. romantic or spontaneous: I dont care.
50. dark or light hair: I dont care
51. built, fat, muscular, skinny, or normal: normal.
52. hook up or relationship: Huh?
53. similar to you or different: Must understand me can liao
54. trouble maker or hesitant: not sure. But I must love him and thats what counts.


HAVE YOU EVER

55. kissed a stranger: NO freaking way
56. drank bubbles: Yeah, the real soapy bubbles. It flew into my mouth when I was 2 and I cried like shit
57. ate a crayon: I nibbled on it, I wouldnt recommend it.
58. lost glasses/contacts: I never lose my contacts. The number of specs destroyed/lost is uncountable. XD
59. climbed up a tree: I would but there is no trees that are nice to climb
60. broken someone's heart: Yeah.
61. been arrested: Was on the verge of
62. turned someone down: for a romance? Yeah.
63. cried when someone died: I always do
64. liked a friend as more than a friend: Even now.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

65. yourself: I never do.
66. miracles: Im praying for one now.
67. ghosts: I can see them. -.-"
68. love at first sight: Yes
69. santa claus: Nonsense.
70. heaven and hell: Absolutely.
71. kissing on the first date: No.
72. God: YES


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

73. Is there one person you want to be with right now? : Yes.
74. Who is it?: The person I love
75. Do you kiss on the first date? : I already said no!
76. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? : YEah, when I was a playgirl.
77. Last time you flossed? : Yesterday
78. Last time checked for STDs? : Few years back.
79. Fart in public? : If you never fart in public, you're abnormal.
80. Flirt with your friends boyfriend or girlfriend? : No,
81. Cheat on a partner? : Yeah.
82. Whats under your bed? : Everything that I dont want.
83. Last time you cleaned your toilet? : Yesterday.
84. Ever sprout hairs on your chin? : Gross.
85. Does the carpet match the curtains?: No carpet no curtains
86. Last kiss? : When I was in sec 1.
87. Last booty call? : Huh?
88. 7th text received?: Amos: Ok...I'll let you know...? Has wan feng replied...?
89. 4th missed call? : Wan feng(Feng, if you remember, I missed your call twice in a row)
90. Last comment received? : I dont want to remember.
91. Sleep with a stuffed animal?: YES, they always end up on the floor. Why are we repeating?
92. Last time you cried? I just did and am still crying now.
93. Pee in pools?: No
94. Ever stolen something?: Yes
95. Ever drink milk from the carton?: Always do
96. Mad at anyone?: Yeah.
97. Ever rock a mullet?: ?
98. Last tuxedo worn?: IM not a guy.
99. Last video game played: L4D, at wan feng's house.

and...

MY GUY SIDE:

[x] you love hoodies
[x] you love jeans
[x] dogs are better than cats
[ ] its hilarious when people get hurt
[x] you've played with boys on a team
[ ] shopping is torture
[x] sad movies suck
[x] you own a XBOX (i wish.)
[ ] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[ ] at some point in your life you wanted to be a firefighter
[ ] you own a DS PS2 or SEGA (i wish too...)
[x] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[ ] you watch sports on TV
[ ] gory movies are cool
[ ] sometimes you go to your dad for advice
[ ] you own like a trillion baseball hats
[x] you used to/do collect pokemon
[ ] baggy sweat pants are nice to wear
[ ] its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[x] green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favourite colours.
[ ] sports are fun
[x] you sometimes talk with food in your mouth
[ ] you sleep at night with your socks on
[ ] you have fished at least once

total is 8

MY GIRL SIDE

[x] you like to shop
[ ] you wear eyeliner
[ ] you wear the color pink.
[x] sometimes you go to your mum for advice
[ ] you consider cheerleading a sport
[ ] you hate wearing all black
[x] you like going to the mall
[ ] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] you like wearing jewelery
[ ] you cried watching The Notebook
[ ] skirts are a big part of your wardrobe
[x] shopping is one of your favourite hobbies
[x] you've seen Star Wars and don't like it some of it
[ ] you do/did gymnastics
[x] it takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed
[x] you smile a lot more than you should
[x] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[ ] you care about what you look like majority of the time
[ ] you like wearing dresses whenever you can
[x] you like dancing/do dancing
[ ] you like high heel shoes
[x] you used to play with dolls as a kid
[x] you like putting makeup on others
[ ] you like being the star of almost everything
[ ] pink is one of your favourite colours

total is 1

multiply both scores by 4.

this makes no sense.

and then...

[x] You have yelled at an inanimate object for 'hurting' you.
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
[ ] You have ran into a tree/bush
[ ] You have been called a "blonde"
[x] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm
[ ] You sang them to make sure.
[x] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit. (hey, i do that loads.)
so far: 6

[ ] You have seen the Matrix/Star Wars and still don't get it
[ ] You type with three fingers or less.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling
so far:8?

[x] You have fallen asleep in class.
[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[x] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you were talking about
[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice".

so far: 11?

[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[ ] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. (The object is usually my handphone when im on it, like 90% of the time)
so far: 15

[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[ ] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[x] The word "um" is used many times a day. (just used it)
[ ] You don't know what "um" means.
[x] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[ ] You used a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
Total: 20

MULTIPLY BY 3 & REPOST WITH "I AM ___% RETARDED"

And if you use a calculator just put yourself as 100% Retarded.

so i am 60% retarded. Cool..... heheh.

and one more...

THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:
1. Yuki
2. Zoe
3. Zo-ball(Only jean call me this -.-")
THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:
April 12
May12
My N level results date.

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
1. cried
2. smsed
3. vommitted

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY EVEN IF YOU'RE STUCK AT HOME:
1. call ice-kun
2. chat on msn.
3. walk around the house singing loudly. XD

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. ice-kun's hoodie
2. A DS
3. its private. XD

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Talking on the phone.
2. Collecting anime stuff
3. Crying

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
1. Tokyo.
2. Kyoto
3. No where else.

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. Green tea
2. Coke
3. Passionfruit yoghurt bubble tea.

THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
1. mp3
2. psp
3. wallet.

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Black
2. Blue
3. White
TOP THREE HANGOUT:
Plaza sing, AMK hub and LAN shops.


TOP THREE YOU LOVE SO MUCH:
1. Its private.
2. My figurines.
3. anything that he gives me.

TOP THREE WHOM YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
(i might as well ask people to do here.)
1. Wan feng
2. Anyone else
3. ...

TOP THREE "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU:
Him, my figurines. And him alone

TOP THREE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY LATELY:
1. NOthing
2. Long weekend!
3. new music

TOP THREE REASONS WHY YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:
1. nothing better to do.
2. got tagged,
3. Boredem

Thank you

ice-kun, thank you.

I am a human after all..

Forgive me.

It was after today did I realise how self-centered am I, how selfish am I.

But, I don't want this happiness to be taken away.
really, I dont.

Mood swings again. Gonna go bury myself in romance mangas and sad sad shows. :(

Changed

I don't know when I started to change into this stranger that is staring back at the mirror, back at me. Is it really me?

I am starting to really hate myself. I am losing control more and more each time. I am losing control of what matters to me most; my emotions.

Enough of emo talk. I got sick of ranting on and on and...Nothing gets done.

Had a super day yesterday. Thanks to Amos and ice-kun that made it possible. ^^
Woke up with a damn raspy voice. I don't know why I was trying to kill my voice the day before. But, my voice was nearly near dead. Was singing and trying to get my voice back on track at the expense of poor mummy's sleep. Cos the shower was in mummy's room. >.< But I finally got it back, So I kinda can confidently say its worth it. I love my voice. ^^

Took 24 down to amk. Reached there earlier then I estimated. Aiya, my estimation sucks. Met amos at breadtalk. My stomach was damn damn bloated can. And I never eat anything in the morn. Walked in circles trying to find ice-kun. And yeah, made it to K box in good time somemore. ice-kun snapped some pics of me 'slapping' Amos. And then tried to take a pic of the light when I snapped him with my hp. XD

K box opened. Went in. Random snapping of me singing(Damn unglam can?) Then amos snapped one of ice sitting in the most unglam way he can be sitting. The best song i like singing there is scream and 屋顶, 天天夜夜. Damn nice. ice-kun can really sing. Amos had to go, so me and ice-kun slacked in there. Lunch not nice, :(
Appetite was screwed again. After that, walked to ice-kun's house. Watched him play l4D, then I played too. Tied his hair up, did many many random things. :P At around 7.30, went for dinner. He watch me eat. But cant eat anything down.
ice-kun was so quiet. :( But thanks for the bubble-tea. And helping me carry my bag.
Went home, mum not home yet. So bathed, msn for awhile then went to sleep.

Today so sian, nothing much to do. Stay at home and slack.

I probably do. More then anyone knows

My blog post title was something I suddenly thought of.
Happiness, blissfulness, hurt, fustration and helplessness, all in one day.
I kinda hate myself.

Differences

Man, now I know the difference between two things.
1. My mum and my dad.
2. The difference between Methodist Churches and charismatic.

Lets start with number 1. Whenever I ask money from my dad, he gives me a sufficient amount for me to eat, spend and enjoy. My mum doesnt allow entertainment, just enough to eat and top up ez link.
My dad don't mind me going out to enjoy and he disciplines when he needs to. My mum will nag and nag, and she nags and disciplines ALL the time.
My dad likes me on the comp cos I can help him check scores, my mum hates it cos it distracts my studies.
But my mum is a more responsible money-spender, my dad isnt. Actually, I am more of in-between. Friends matter alot, so presents matter alot too. I want to give my friends presents that would light up their faces, or at least I try to.
My mum thinks presents are not important, my dad doesnt really care.
My mum likes me going to church, my dad doesnt.
And a lot more. So generally, when they're not disciplining me, they're great parents. Except that I just got yelled at cos I asked for money. =X(By my mum of course. My dad just told me to check score, sleep early and left me alone)

My mood was super bad when I came online but thanks to Wan feng who kinda surprised me when I came online. So cheerful, so I just...cheered up lor? Plus tomorrow Karaoke, how to be emo? :D

2. Methodist church and charismatic church.
A lot of people are insulting NCC, my beloved church. Why? We're all worshipping the same god, aren't we? People are just screwed. So what if NCC preach about grace and methodist churches preach about law? Its all releavant, its just which church releate to people more.
I don't wish to elaborate more. If you insult NCC, get.the.fuck.out.of.my.blog.

Geez, tired.

A fleeting sense of lonliness

Nose bled badly yesterday. Was talking to Alwyn and suddenly, just bled.
Not to be gross, but my blood tasted sweet(Only cos it was dripping when I was going to the toilet)

And for people that understand this, yes, Im back to Zoe. :D

School was fine, a little too noisy for my liking. Had REW chapel today.
So there was this parent confession thing, saying sorry for everything. I could hear sniggers, snores, and uncontrollable laughter from people in the crowd of about 3 thousand people. Suddenly, alone and seriously alone, I was moved by the speech and started to cry. My classmates on both sides didn't notice. Only god knew I was crying.
Sorry for being a bad girl mum, I really am trying to be good. T_T And you probably will never see this but, I love you.

And yupp. I cant wait for a break and most importantly, the weekend to be here.

ice-kun

ice-kun does have a sense of humour. Hes not really that scary as I thought him out to be.
:D

And if you would see this, sorry for saying sorry too much! I wont do it again. *bow*

I dont want to repeat the same mistake.

I hate it when there is something I cant decipher.
I cant take my eyes off it and yet, I get a headache trying to think.
GAH!

I hope that post wasnt addressed to me. But if it was, I cant decipher it.

Got tagged by amos. -.-"

90. First off, what's your name?
Zoe

89. What did you do last night?
Sleep, duh?

88. Do you have a best friend that you can talk to 24/7?
Ya, the person that tagged me. XD

87. Do you have any siblings?
Used to have.

86. How many years apart is your mum and dad?
Am I supposed to know this?

85. Do you like someone?
Yeah.

84. What does the 7th message in your text inbox says?
From Wan feng: Sorry about yesterday nite i couldnt come online. I let my sister play and i was doing my work. By the time i came online you're off. I owe u a choc and drink.

83. Who sits beside you in maths?
Stephanie.

82. Where is your dad right now?
Working

81. Do you burn incense?
No way.

80. Do you have a problem?
Lots of them.

79. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from?
Esther

78. Closest purple object?
Purple nail polish

77. Closest silver object?
Ipod.

76. Closest yellow object?
My glue stick.

75. Do you sing in the shower?
All the time. XD

74. Whats bugging you right now?
How to get the next top up card from mum without getting hell from her.

73. How does your hair look right now?
Fugly. Just cut it yesterday.

72. Do you know all the words to Star Spangled Banner?
Excuse me?

71. When is the last time you said the pledge of allience?
Um..how about NEVER?

70. If you could kill someone, who would it be?
Yours truly.

69. Do you have any fears?
More then I like.

68. What do you hear now?
My mp3 and the keyboard sounds.

67. Do you like kangaroos?
Yupp!

66. Can you roll your tongue?
I think so.

65. What are you wearing now?
Pe shorts and a black t-shirt. Does hair band count? =P

64. Who was the last person to message you?
Amos.

63. Do you like emo kids?
No.

62. Scremo or country?
Scremo.

61. Rock or rap?
Rock.

60. Polka or Disco?
Disco, whats polka anyway?

59. Flying or motorbike?
Flying.

58. Who last called you?
Amos.

57. Was your Valentine's day nice?
Yes...and no.

56. What are you doing now?
This damn tag and listening to music.

55. Who was the last person you said I love you to?
I said it when I was alone but it was meant for someone.

54. Would you die for someone?
Yeah, the person I love.

53. Would you date anyone from your work?
Yes if I love him.

52. Do long distance releationships work?
Um...I think so. Depends.

51. Do you have any pet peeve?
Um.....

50. Do you have to pee now?
No.

49. When did you last talk to your siblings?
When I was 4, I dont know and dont care where is he now.

48. What are you doing tomorrow?
I have school. And maybe kill amos who dont need to go school.

47. Do you worry about getting older?
No, I cant wait to get about this damn and screwed up school.

46. Have you ever had an ingrown toenail?
No, yucks.

45. Do you pick your scabs?
I think so?

44. Ever drink your blood?
All the time.

43. Do your bandaids have cartoons over them?
No, I dont give a damn for my wounds.

42. Do you bite your nails?
Only when theres a spotcheck and I dont feel like getting caught.

41. Do you wax your eyebrows?
No, its gross.

What the hell happened to 40? 0.o

39. Do you check CelexPox.com for celebrity gossip?
Hell no, im not interested.

38. Do you have a jar where you keep your loose change?
I keep it in a cup.

37. Do you own a pogo stick?
No.

36. Ever gone a whole day without eating something?
Yes, 2 days. Cos I was asleep.

35. Do you own ripped jeans?
No, my jeans never get ripped.

34. What makes you mad?
Annoying people is one, lots of other stuff.

33. What would you do if you find out your adopted?
Whatever, I dont care.

32. Are you jealous a lot of the time?
It depends over what.

31. Do you use a calender or day planner to schedule everything on?
No

30. Are you OCD?
Huh?

29. Do you have ADD?
HUH?

28. Do you have low self esteem?
Yes. I think so.

27. Who can make you laugh during your hardest time?
Amos and Wan feng? They just did not too long ago.

26. What was the last thing you watched on tv?
Love in the city.

25. When was the last time you had professional pictures taken?
At the EOY cosplay.

24. Have you done a whitening treatment on your teeth?
I dont know.

23. Whats your favourite movie?
The dark knight.

22. Who do you love?
Im not saying.

21. Whats playing on your mp3 player right now?
I'll be waiting by Lenny Kravtiz

20. What holiday is your birthday closest to?
New years day.

19. Whats your favourite drink?
Coke.

18. Do you own any big sunglasses?
No and neither do I own any small ones.

17. Bed sheet colour?
Black.

16. Ever encountered a shark?
No but I want to.

15. Has anyone sing or played for you personally?
Yes.

14. Have you ever bungee jumped?
No, i think Im too short.

13. Where was the last place you went to beside your house?
School.

12. Whats the first thing you notice about the same sex?
Nothing

11. Is it hard to express your feelings to someone?
Yes, VERY.

10. Why are people such self centred beings?
Cos they're imperfect humans. I am one too.

9. Are you sad?
Yes, 99.9% of the time.

8. Are you happy?
No, not now anyway.

7. Favourite day of the year?
Saturday and Sunday.

6. Have you ever licked someone's cheek?
Yes.

5. Watched all spiderman movies?
No. I only watched the third one,

4. What are you looking forward to?
This coming sunday

3. Favourite lucky charms marshmallow?
?

2. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
No,

1. Do you want to get married.
Yupp

I tag everybody in particular. ESPECIALLY WAN FENG. XD
T_T, its long.

Unconditionally,

Im sorta back to normal. I think, I just needed to let myself loose, laugh a little, be with the people that I like to be around with? Maybe I needed a break. Thanks Amos, :) For trying to make me laugh at subway, for the cookies. :), and helping me finish my sandwich, and for giving me a little of yours too. And thanks for the mineral water and panadols and for the comfort in the LAN shop, and for making my day enjoyable. Of course, you played a huge part. And taking care of those scars. :D
Thanks for being a great friend.
I dont wanna talk about school today. Say this and say that its all the same thing.

Sun was...fun. Yupp, fun. Started with a bad mood. Then met amos at 1 in front of carls jr. Made our way to sub. I had meatball mariana and I couldnt finish again. I ended up finishing half and...1/4 of another? Filled up with cookies. White chip macademia is love. Even though i only nibbled it, I forgotten what amos said that made me mad, I stuffed the entire lovely, tasty, delicious and sweet cookie into his mouth. Peanut butter is nice too.
Wan feng met us at guardian when we went to get panadol for cramps. I think this month, im seriously stressed. It came much too painful and early. =X It hurts like #$%#$%#$%, I couldnt even remember when was it ever this painful. Sharp and stabbing pain. T_T
Anyway, Wan feng met us there. Then into carrefour to get water. Waited for alwyn outside sub. Crapped around, disturbed Wan feng and amos, telling jokes and yupp. Set off when alwyn came. Walked quite a long distance. Reach LAN shop, no air-con. Ended up having to tie hair and left it like that for the rest of the day. Cos I hate tying and then letting it down. Sucks, big time.
L4D was.......different. Scary for the first part cos it reminded me of Jeremy, when he was angry and shouting. And a little of everyone in versailles put together. Except the scary part was, Wan feng wasnt angry, he was having fun, Wow?
And thanks Amos, again. For encouraging me. :D. Sorry for shooting you to death in death toll. Sorry sorry sorry!
Blood harvest was...nice. Although in the two stages we were hiding in toilet. Wan feng, next time choose better hiding place. XD
Cant wait to play no mercy under his orders. I think it'll be fun. Can we play it on normal? Please? Ah ha.
And thanks wan feng, for sitting mrt home. And I want chocs! And my drink. *evil laugh*

And today, talked to wan feng and amos. Damn funny. Grandma was interrupting when I was talking to wan feng. Cos she suspected that I was in a releationship. -.-"

Anyway. Thanks wan feng for coming up with a karoake session on sun. Hope that alwyn and amos can make it. :D

I guess I'm back,

All those posts, I was depressed, I was emo. I don't think i'm 100% back. Here I am telling people to smile, but smiling becomes tiring for me.

I didn't do a proper blog since like...thursday. Right. Recently, since wednesday, the past have been coming back. More then usual, is it due to thinking too much? I want to cry it all out but the tears won't come.

Thursday- Had cca, so I stayed back in the class. Bought chicken rice from the pri sch and went to class to eat it. Recently, I feel so alone in class. Everyone is beside me talking or sleeping. Yet, I feel like I am different from everyone, in a sense, that makes me lonely.
So, after that, called Amos. Chatted for quite awhile. After he put down, I emo-ed with mp3(I didnt bring my psp that day), smsed amos and at 3.30, headed down for cca. When I stepped out of the classroom, I felt even worse. I felt like crying too, but held back. Went to ava, and cca started.
The sec 4s need not do anything, so I sat there, chatted, slacked. And I had a certain thought.
I knew I had full control of my ability, it was just so easy to feel everyone's emotions. Who's lying, whos hurting. They're all enjoying themselves, thats good. But I'm not, at that point, I really wanna just close my eyes and never open them again. Just sleep on for eternity.
At 5.30, left for home immediately. I forgot what I did at home. But I didn't do math, sorry math, I promise I'll practise next week. x( it was so easy to feel their happiness but it didnt make me happy like it usually would.

Friday- Went to school, argued with mum in the morn. School was fine. Nothing much to say, I smiled as usual but its getting weaker and weaker. I really felt like snapping in the middle of geog. But, held it in. Forced a smile and a fake mood, someone else in the class could feel. Guarding is tiring. In math lesson, ran to the toilet and cried. Partly cos of cramps but i don't know the main reason. Felt better, went back to lesson. After lesson, chiong home. As usual, i forgotten what I did. Except I didn't practise math. Argued with Alwyn in the night. Went to sleep with a heavy heart.

Today- Argued with Alwyn in the morn today. As I did, I made a mental decision. Im not gonna fake anymore today. So, I met him at macs. I had a serious loss of appetite. Watched alwyn chomped down his burger. When edmund came, I ordered mine. Ate most of it, alwyn ate 80% of my fries. Didn't finish the coke. After that, argued with alwyn for some minor reasons. Then went to serve with a heavy heart. Again, I told edmund to hit me. But he didn't, he tried to make me smile but I didn't. Kinda felt I was selfish, so I smiled, for him. Service was okayy, daniel was nice! >.<, I didn't deserve it. Pastor daniel came to preach today! ^^. Went around like mad when I heard that. Edmund joined us for dinner. I ate hotplate noodles, at 30% and couldnt finish. Went to manga, ordered honey butter crepe but I couldnt finish. When edmund left, I dropped mymask. I stopped smiling altogether. The bus ride home was tiring. When I came home, I felt alone but better. Now Im here blogging, I know tomorrow will be a better day, I know it will be.

And some random parts of songs I feel it kinda applies to me now.
坚强得太久好疲惫
梦见发着光的草原
一身伤回到很久以前
我选择不恨　带着平静走远
醒来后　夜还是长夜 -罗志祥 - 灰色空间

kanashiku nanka nai no ni namida ga koboreta no wa
kimi no omoi ga itai kurai ni
boku no mune no oku no KIZUato ni shimikonde
yasashisa ni kaetekureta kara - Jewel, Ayumi hamasaki.

挫折まみれ 流行にまぎれ 幸せな振りをして歌う
もっと走れと言い聞かして 無謀にも そっと風上へ
来た道を一瞥 ゆとりは御免 四面楚歌 参戦に次ぐone game
「山あり谷あり崖あり」 塵は積もってく
果てしない旅の途中で 街のはずれに立ち寄る
疲れた両足をそっと投げ出して 寝転ぶと 繰り返される浅い眠り
何度も同じあの横顔 何度も同じあの言葉を…
「生きてるだけで悲しいと思うのは私だけなの?」と- Velonica, Aqua timez.

Thats all for now. Hope tomorrow would be a better day. :(

Personality quiz

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

I think some are accurate. :D
Took it from amos' blog.

sen no yoru wo koete

愛されたい　でも　愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答えは一つ　怖くたって　傷付いたって
好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ

あなたが僕を愛してるか　愛してないか
なんてことは　もうどっちでもいいんだ
どんなに願い望もうが
この世界には変えられぬものが　沢山あるだろう
そう　そして僕があなたを　愛してるという事実だけは
誰にも変えられぬ真実だから

千の夜をこえて　あなたに伝えたい
伝えなきゃならないことがある
愛されたい　でも　愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答えは一つ　怖くたって
傷ついたって　好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
気持ちを言葉にするのは怖いよ
でも　好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ

この広い世界で　巡り会う喜びを言葉じゃ言い表せないね
だから僕達は微笑み　色鮮やかに過ぎる秋をドレミで唄って
冬を背に　春の木漏れ日を待ち
新しく生まれ変わる　誰かを守れるようにと

来た道と行き先　振り返ればいつでも　臆病な目をしていた僕
向き合いたい　でも　素直になれない
まっすぐに相手を愛せない日々を
繰り返しては　ひとりぼっちを嫌がったあの日の僕は
無傷のままで人を愛そうとしていた

千の夜をこえて　今あなたに会いに行こう
伝えなきゃならないことがある
愛されたい　でも　愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答えは一つ　怖くたって
傷付いたって　好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
その想いが叶わなくたって　好きな人に好きって伝える
それはこの世界で一番素敵なことさ

Cant get you out of my mind.

I just wanted to say a certain something to a certain someone.

I love you.

I dont want to be just a face in the crowd. I want to be someone special.

The week is tiring and it havent even ended. I just wish it was saturday or sunday, then I can snuggle under the blanket until 8-9 plus. Argh, damn. There's chem tmr, im probably gonna get screwed cos I have overdue homework. Ah well.

I still havent packed my room.
I miss L4D and Wan feng pissing things all over the place.
I want to complete death toll advance mode.
I want to go out.
= I'm stressed.

Stop telling me about N levels. Please!