I want it to last

Until the day you want us to stop,
I shall try to make you happy.
which I hope will not come soon.
Despite what you said.

Unable to get any sleep last night.

When destiny calls, you have to hold on.

I love my boyf to the max.
Although sometimes, I may not agree with what he does. I may get depressed over little things,
I still want to hold on.

Yesterday when you said,
"I cant decide."
"Lets meet tomorrow and talk k?"
"I love you."
I was really very happy but I didn't know whats going on,

When you called, I was really happy even though my stomach was hurting like hell.
And then I told you i'll be on your doorstep at 10am sharp, you said "okay".
I cant wait to see you,

When I was going to sleep,.
I typed on msn, See you later dar! 10 more hours.
You smiled.
When I said dont sad lar, I trust you already,
you smiled again.

And then what I had for supper was the subway cookies you gave me dont know how many weeks ago saying it might come in handy, you pro lar :D

Alrights, I shall go shower, dar, 40 more mins!

Ily

From the moment I met you I just knew you'd be mine
You touched my hand
And I knew that this was gonna be our time
I don't ever wanna lose this feeling
I don't wanna spend a moment apart

Chorus:
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

Every day that I'm here with you
I know that it feels right
And I've just got to be near you every day and every night
And you know that we belong together
It just had to be you and me

Cos you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

And you know that we belong together, It just had to be you and me

Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side
Cos you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you
Cos you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

ふでペン ～ボールペン～

You fucking self-centered bastard

AFA~

Rest well dear, you deserve the rest. And the saber lily, and the cup which is like small fry compared to your figurine TT
__________

Thanks to people who made it possible for this year's afa to be great!
Bought dear a saber cup. I think its pretty cute, and dear got his saber lily!
Went to bk for lunch, dear was telling me about all the different lamps and started chatting.
Went back to afa and so much so slacked there. :D

Headed down to plaza play lan, eat dinner watch iz and jere sango awhile,
Then headed home.
___

I am really happy, I hope next year's afa, we can all still go together,
and that nothing will change.
Except for a few things which i think its best not to mention here.

I'm not blind you know

In short of knowing that, should I pretend I don't know it?
Or do what I feel like doing?
____

I know its almost over, I just hope you'll remember me.

In the end, what am I?

In the end, I think I'm just your emotional dustbin

__

I really wish I can hold you and tell you everything is alright,
but I know that's not gonna work.
I can only watch as a bystander and share your hurt.
But thats not enough.
...
Its not

You're the worst, ever

Have you ever wondered why I never listen?
Its because you never actually bother about me. Ask yourself, you only think of me as a burden.
So why did you want me in the first place? I heard you wanted me very badly. Bullshit.

All you ever do, is yell at me, see me as a hopeless case, deem me as useless. Fuck you bitch, fuck you. Compare me to other people, you never see my good points, my good points that I have and others don't. Blah Blah, the neighbour next door can take time of to visit his dad in hospital.I went out looking for jobs today, NOT TO PLAY.

And about money, if I told you this week you gave me more then 50 bucks, you would scream. If I told you it was less then 50 bucks, you'd be fucking satisfied. You disgust me,
You wonder why do I always turn to my friends, its because you never bother to actually understand me.

__

Was planning to write more but whats the point?

Be my last romance

Tiring day out, =X

Don't feel like mentioning what happened,

Hmm, on a side note,
Dear ate subway today, haha, he damn cute

And then it was arcade arcade and more arcade. Hehe

7 months ler, and I still keep falling in love with you.
Haha, today was a great day again!

Sorry dar, I still owe you a drink! :D

And dinner was nice, crapping about proton sagas again.
Then went to iluma, kind of a nice place but I have some unsettling feeling about it.

Then lazed about the arcade and all.
Sat 80 home with dar,

A lot of crap to endure when I reach home,
but just have to tahan and remember Im getting my dearest black guitar tomorrow!

Hehe,

Had a great day yesterday!
Thanks dear for putting up with me when I was sian,
Really cannot go jp lar, sorry jere, sorry iz.
Was planning to go yuki yaki today but all like cant, so bo bian.

Cooked for dar yesterday. I think my portebellos are good, even if I say so myself. =P
Crashed abit at feng's house, played comp then headed down to plaza, ishi mura to eat.
Salmon tofu mentai don and ramen ftw!

Then went to pomo's arcade.
Played puzzle fighter, ccb, the fking joystick spoil, can move left cant move right
But managed to get up to stage 6 and then got owned my morrigon,
Bought bubble tea, went up to drink and then headed home.

Today, jere never answer phone, i think bi still sleeping...
Amos cant go out..

Finally its saturday,
had an eventful day today,
rather tired.
____

Audi-ed today. i love my 'boyfriend'! Shes so cute. ><
I got the audi-sickness le.
TT

Memories

Thinking back, dear really changed me,

Thanks for everything.
And for the tsuruya too.
And the blogskin.

And I finally got tsuruya out of the gacha, I kept thinking I'll get haruhi again. =X
Won the V-13,
:D
Dar challenged me in KoF and let me win, Went to yoshinoya to eat. We were actually deciding between
Bk and Yoshinoya, I wanted yoshinoya and dar wanted BK.
We play scissors paper stone to decide. =.=
Then walk around and talk crap.
Then randomly walk into action city and started playing with the mind teasers there,
Then home-ed cos of my bloody curfew.

Thanks dar, thanks jere,

I feel horrible..

After only 3 hours of sleep...

And I couldnt stop thinking about you,
Im really sorry..

____

Things are fine, now.
Audition-ing, tired like dog,

and yes, V-13, YOU SUCK.
you puny horrible and smelly spammer!
TT
But darn, if players use her well,
thats a totally different story

Last day of school today,
Wonder if Im ever seeing my class again.
=X

Audition sea!

Finally found someone to play audi wih me. :d
Beat rush ftw

I know, im an idiot

I hate myself...

...

Cant seem to do anything right.

Seriously

No matter what...

No matter where I go, whether I fail or pass, I'll be happy as long as I can continue learning the guitar, K-ON! motivated me a lot...

Thanks dar, for helping me hear whether I'm right or not. :D

Im sleeepy

yawn yawn yawn

Why does it matter whether she is his girlfriend or not?

Maybe you are more then just a good looking guy after all...

Hmm..but I never regretted letting you go.

Can anybody save me?

Im tired.

God damn tired.

Must things turn out this way?

5 cm per second

I'll probably get killed.



An unexplained ache rose up when i watched this again.
The first time? I sobbed like hell.
...
Wonder if someday, will we end up like this?

Im fully prepared. I know I will not pass.

Should I be comforted? Since this is the path that has appeared. I studied and I still can screw up.

Should I be anguished? Since I have let everyone down and failed to create my own path.

My views of a christian and my views of a free thinker, what am I?

I'm so fucking confused.

Sheesh.

I can almost think what people's response will be,

And of course, my boyfriend's one stands out the most. "I can't be bothered."

Ah wells. Whatever. People will say he doesn't care about me.

But I think his answer is the most comforting of all. Since he doesn't actually bother what do I believe in. Neither do I, for that matter.

And damn you maple , quickly patch.

Its hard to believe now, that I'm actually turning against my church.

I hate it, that my own mum can tell me my figurines are satanic.

...

I shall continue walking, maybe things are not as bad as I imagine.

More reading, I suppose. It helps

Thinking...

I had no idea why im still thinking so much,

It has been a long time.

When the time comes, which path will I take?

An angel's dream

"Angels only have one dream. "

"And what is that?"

"An angel's only dream is to be human."

-Angeal

Crisis core ftwww. :D

Saber lily

Saving up for dar's christmas present now.

Dar so cute, today gave me 2 bucks, keep poking my cheek. XD

After this post, I got to go studyyyy for maths. Omg, my table's a mountain of books.

thanks dar for putting up with my maths nonsense.

Hehe, jere, joseph and nic came over. Kept getting distracted but managed to finish what I wanted to do.

Went for dinner, chicken rice and chicken curry don, lotsa chicken...=.=

Then dar, jere and joseph acompanied me to bus stop.

Hehe, must jy for maths tmr.

I love you koori! thanks for today. :D

Of all things I could check, I went yahoo answers. Stupid me. Hehe

Had a great day, :D

Burger king's mushroom swiss tendergrill is awesome. So is oyaku chicken don. XD

And I bought tsuraya figurine for him, out of the gachapon. Really hope he liked it!

and I want stitch coupleeee~

But must save money for AFA.

Dear on his way to malaysia now, must study today.

N levels start tomorrow ler. Its the final lap now.

Ganbatte yuki~

Giddiness

Went subway study yesterday after school with gaye and steph.

Laughed like mad. Studied.

Went dinner with mum, fainted in the toilet while bathing.

Talked to dear for awhile.

Went to sleep.

Maybe its due to N levels being so near and then thinking of the road that I took, I never regretted anything. Except maybe one thing, WHY DIDN'T I START STUDYING SOONER?

But its okayy, I knew I put in my best effort the last month.

And maybe its cause I knew that he had been the one encouraging me all the way and of everything that happened, I treasure him more now. I'm sorry dear, I'm sorry I took you for granted.

N levels are on monday. I got to go study now.

Lakeside buffet,

And just a random thought, I think he's right about saying how no one can understand the weird way I talk.

yuki: Tomorrow want to go amk park there light candle?

koori: For?

yuki: Mooncake festival.

koori: huh? Tsk, its mid-atumn festival is it?

yuki: Ya ya, mooncake festival.

koori: what mooncake festival. its mid atumn festival lah! Oh my god.

yuki: whatever lah. hehe

I think hes damn shit right.

I tried to breathe,

I could no longer locate my lungs.

I could not control my body anymore.

If the bill is terminated, I will pay and will not get you blacklisted.

But,

If our relationship ends like that, no amounts of money is going to bring you back..

Please don't leave.

Its been so long, I still want to keep going.

OMGG. Dear, stop sleeping. Wake wake wake up and talk to me. :D

So tired after school today. But still got to study later.,

Im gonna be missing from the world.

See you on 13 oct. :D

"If I give you an F1 ticket, will you accept it?"

"No. If you give me a ticket to go to the backstage to see the cars, then yeah."
"Thats true, if someone gives me an F1 ticket, I'll sell it."

"Thats right." And he smiled that damn cute smile.

Today was funnn. Went to his house and then he did some songs, after that trained down to city hall to Jaben.

Sent in his earpiece, then went to funan eat fries with mayo...

Then went home.

He smiled so much today! Its so addictive~

Productivity

I did a math paper in school today. And still enjoyed myself.

Had lunch, going to shower and studyyy!

Just press on, one more month!

I'm touched

Omg, I scolded dear for staying up late when he was researching for me. Sorry dear. TT

Yesterday, got caught in the rain while going to dear's house. Clothes all soaked to the max.

He made me take a shower and I wore his clothes, Super over-sized. Especially the shirt, I looked like some..hip hop person. Haha,

Went down to suntec at about 3 plus. My earpiece officially broke down, *grieving for my earpiece*

Went to games convention. Fun.

Then walked to plaza and ate just acia. Haha, Then no lifed at the arcade. After I get my earpiece, I promise myself I will study. :D

Can't wait for dear to wake up.

<3

Err, someone told me to post my pics.

So here goes, sorry dar. Dont kill me XD

What if?

Last night, I couldn't sleep, sms-ed dar.

"Well, good night. If I cant sleep by 12, Im gonna jump out of my window."

I guess this is the price to pay for eating too much sweets. :D

Heading down to dar's house in another 2 hours(seems so long TT)

I just gaved in to temptation.

AND OH OH OH, I was damn productive yesterday.

Yay, so happy and proud of myself. :D

Will study later in the night.

Anyone got any plans for tomorrow?

futari de zutto odoru yakusoku
fukuramu mune ga uso ni suru
amairo no kami　kagami utsushite
junban tagai ni suite iku

onaji beddo yurareteta
futari fureau　te to te musundeta ito

mishiranu kao utsuru
sasayaku koe hikuku
nigiru HANMAA tataki tsukeru no
tobichire GARASUTO

futari de tsunda shiro
tsumi kisaikou kusushite
kishimu hone　kishi to hime he to
kane ga tsugeru ENDO

yugamu kagami　te to te awase　zureru yubi no nagasa

kore kara chigau beddo de neru no?
kimi ga tsubuyaku [oyasumi]
doa no bumawashi tobira wo akeru
oto ni hane okitsukamu suso he

nobita yubi ni kuchidukete
hashiru shoudou　sebone nukete iku setsuna

akari ha kesanai de
hitori de neru yoru ha
mada iya to sakenda migi te de
butsukeru no makura

[obake ga kowai] nante kodomo dane boku no hime
nureta hitomi　chigau kotoba
iitage ni　mitsumeru

papa to mama no shiranai jikan ha
owaru no kana?　tooi yume
usui taoru koshi todoku netsu ga
kowasu boku no tomegane

koe wo oshi koroshite
tobira ha kagishimete
mitsumeau hitomi to hitomi ga
kotae wo sagasu

osanai iiwake wo akari goto keshite iku
sono kami wo sukue nai nara
boku ha uso mo tsuku yo

toki wo tomete ima ha
futari de dakiatte
kizamu kodou hitotsu hitotsu wo
SHINKURO sasetai

toketeku atsui iki
dakitometa nukumori ni
kore ijou ha ugokenai yo
maru de kimi no NAITO

Im thankful that you're still here

Horrible afternoon, it was hell, I swear.

Im sorry dar,

____

Wanted to go to school today but my body is saying no, had a headache and fell back asleep. Woke up around 8 plus. Oh wells. Uh..

I want to get dar a tripod NOW, but my wallet is saying no. Not yet anyway.

Alrights, breakfast and then study.

Yuki shall be a very productive girl today.

I love you, cant wait for sat!

Im missing you until it hurts

My head hurts,

My heart hurts even more.

IM fustrated, I don't know what to do for you anymore.

Had a okayy day in school.
tiring though.

The teachers already gave us homework.
This is new in NA,

...

Better go start on it.

(Dar, sorry for calling you so many times.
Dont angry horr)

JP, Issac, Feng, Jere, sango and daytona

In the end, didnt go to IT fair, went jp instead.

Sango-ed one round and lost,
AND I LOSE. =)

Tore up the card, no use anyway.
Jere kenna sr wang yi, grats man. Shared card protecters card price with him.

Then played daytona with jere's brother, feng, jere and issac. I got 2nd!
Though its cos they were playing burnout style, =.= dar got first! XD
I think jere's brother got 3rd.

Then mrt home.

Went for breakfast just now.
Talked about new house and all, yay. Mum agrees to $1500 for new comp.
Its already 6, dear, wake up lehhs. :(

Was very unproductive today. :D

Will be tomorrow

Plan for today

Shower!
Bus down to dar's house
Kick him out of bed
Get him to shower(I wonder how Im gonna manage this ALONE)
Train-ed down to suntec
IT fair
Try not to let dar buy anything(I think I can manage this with mao's help)
WereCat says:
i will pounce on him
every time
WereCat says:
he so much for
reaches for his wallet
=P
MAO FTW!

And then sango,
THANKS JERE AGAIN FOR LU MENG ADVISOR!
<3

<3

I will not forget what dar told me today. :D

And by the way, I don't have your number anymore cos I think its not worth keeping, if you think the same way and has deleted my number, good for you. :)

Holidays going to over soon. Very soon, have to hit the books.

Thanks feng for selling me your speakers. And sound card, come over soon and fix it up. :D

Tomorrow meeting jere and others(hopefully?), and no more working ler, means no bunking at Ichak's house :(

I guess I should get back to playing Zelda, I want to complete it. :D

Later,
Yuki

I hope you still love me

Mou ikiba ga nai wa kono koi no netsuryou

Haiiro no kumo monokuro no kensou
Hizashi wa kageri

Yuugure wa iro o kaete iku

Aa sekai ga nijinde
Sore de mo suki de irareru ka nante

Wakatteru kedo dou sureba ii no
Dou shitara dou sureba

Baka da na watashi…

Hajimeru no yo kore wa sensou
Ureshisou na kimi o miru nante
Setsunaru koi sore wa tsumi
Misete ageru watashi no omoi o

Sakende mita megahon wa kowareteta no

Dore dake senobishitatte
Kimi no shikai ni hairanai

Aa itsu no ma ni ka hareta sora
Zenzen niawanai

Kimochi ga osaerarenakute
Doushitara dou sureba

Naite nanka nain da kara ne
Daisuki

Tatakau no yo haato o ute
Shudan nante eranderarenai
Sukaato hirari misetsukeru no yo
Kimi no shisen ubatte miseru no

Geigeki youi
Senkyou wa ima da furi na no desu

Koi wa moumoku
Kimi no kuchizuke de me ga sameru no!

_____

On a side note, I think gravitation is the sweetest yaoi I ever watched.
Yuki Eiri <3 And Sakuma Ryuichi!
I think I can faint

Thanks dar, for accompanying me down to the chalet.

Its technically sunday now...cant wait for later.
And must start studying on mon! Must must must.

On friday, dar damnn cute. We were at yishun before dinner. Then we were strolling in popular.
So I stopped to see what TYS I don't have. And he started to pull me away. He said, this 4 days are for me to take a break. No seeing those. =)!
So sweet, had a nice dinner and afterwards went to play TC2 at new arcade. My fking gun was screwed. Shoot 3 times not responding. Got so pissed.
852-ed and 45-ed home.

Today, well, yesterday, I woke up at an unholy time, 7.30 am.
Went to dear's house, then down to chalet at pasir ris. They all went uber high, =X
58-ed and walked home. =)

Today, cant wait! Sure to have lots of fun, before I start studying again.
N levels, are less then 2 weeks

Sian-ed

Went to watch where got ghost yesterday with feng and amos.
Not bad.
After the movie, amos was like, "Where are we going to eat?"
My reply, "Where else?" Where else besides the epic win jap food at s-11? :P
Went to play TC4 awhile, before heading home.

Finally, a normal nice outing, besides slacking our asses off at feng's place. XD

Next sun, whos up for a L4D session?

Lay in bed yesterday after choir foa.

I really know now, how small and useless I really am in school, outside school..

I never really tried, I never really am.

Nothing scared me more

Watching the fireworks was the best with you by my side.

Fever,

I did the most stupid thing yesterday. :D

I had fever, I did not see the doctor. Thats 1.
And I still went to my friend's birthday party. Thats 2.
And I went home late at night.

But the party was still great. Even though I was sleeping half of the time. TT
I met...I met..I can't remember all of them.

:D

Thanks everyone, especially ice.

I'll close my eyes. And count to 20.
When I open them, I'll be back to last time.
When I first met you.

There'll be no depression,
No family problems.
Maybe money problems once in a while.
All my scars will magically disappear.

I'll just be a normal girl studying to pass my prelims and N levels.
with a very good boyfriend whos helping her.

Starting....



NOW

I knew it would come to this.
I knew it.

I'm sorry.

Chem is easy :)

Chem is love.
I know I can get the hang of it and I know I did.

Now its just SS, and I should start on bio soon.
I can do it, Yuki, gambatte!

Going out this weekend, so lets study so that i can enjoy myself without guilt.
:D

I love you ice, love you love you love you. <3

I LOVE STUDYING.

And so that makes me a freak! :D

Can't believe I actually understand plate tectonics, and made notes for POA. And did chem tys and tried to understand it during break.

Can't believe I actually can help explain things to friends during maths.

Its a whole new me! Poly, here I come! <3

Hmm..for a change, dear called me after I finish school, my mood rocketed from good to super good.

Good enough to make me study after I finish this blog post.

Right, im almost done. Just waiting for his call.

Waiting...waiting...

Im fine im fine im fine.

Yeah right.

Did wan feng's post have anything to do with what happened the past 2 days?

...

Im sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to snap on purpose.

Maybe we should stop talking so much, I need to concentrate on N levels.

On thurs and fri, did I really realise how alone I was and still am. I got friends all around but even in a crowd, I still feel lonely. Even with my impossibly good boyfriend, im still lonely. Im impossibly idiotic. Maybe thats why he said he hates girls. Im so sorry.

I cant believe i practically mapled my time away. But still studying at the same time.

I need to study more.

Zoe zoe zoe, STUDY, my god.

I need an anti stress kit.

Someone give me one?

Confused, stumbling, im lost

Time to revive my blog.

...

...

attempting to revive it.
I guess im not really in the mood.

Sighs...

Geog lesson

Riiight, its geog. :(

Thank dar, for calling this morn. Cant wait for tomorrow too :D
And I think thurs and fri is gonna suck.
I must reach level 60 by this week! Must reach third job by next month =X
Last remnant owns :D
Yay! I have my hino fan, but I still dont have my white seraphis :(

I better get off, before she comes.

DAR, STOPP BEING LAZY AND WAKE UP.

I love you <3

School was alright today. It is alright every single day. XD

Mummy got tickets for harry potter this thurs! Going to watch with dar. :D

I think it will be a good show.

Dar is still sleeping. wake up wake up and maple with me.

:D, Love you,

Yay, im one step closer to my dream.

Thanks wan feng, for an awesome breakfast and the fixing of my comp yesterday.

Met Amos at city hall and went bras basah complex to buy his art stuff,

I got absorped in the bookshop there.

After that, went to multiple guitar shops.

Saw one awesome black acoustic guitar, and it cost 90 bucks! Love at first sight man.

Went to bugis, walked around, shopped. Eat.

Arcade, saw joasseph, nic and jere.

Raining heavily when we made our way to the bus stop to wait for 80.

Slept on the bus.

Mapled until 2. Finally level 58! ^^

Hoping to be 59 by tuesday and 60 by the end of this week.

Maple work, maple work. School, maple. Work. School. Maple. work. study, pack my room.

Same old routine,

But I shall carry on,

I shan't give up.

For those who believed in me, thank you.

I love you guys.

I merely asked a question

You don't have to answer in that manner.

I merely was curious/wanted to hear your voice/wanted to strike up a conversation.

I suppose, its your game.

Im sorry then, maybe...I just did not/cannot understand you well enough.

I won't say that the game is bad, cos it isnt.

I don't want to find someone to blame cos it really isn't anyone's fault.

Maybe, don't catch me when I fall. Let the pain numb me.

Really, you can shout all you want. If it makes you happy.

Just go ahead.

Maybe this is the wrong way of showing,

but I do love you.

Alot...

Im sorry, Im a failure.

Pineapples? PEACHES

PEACHES! =)

Sometimes, simple dishes are the best.

Pasar malam's taiwan sausage or also known as tai wan xiang chang. Muah chee, cheese tofu, shrimp ball, cheese hot dog. Cotton candy, takopachi, okonomiyaki and instant noodles!

This simple food, taste good.

When you share. :D

Its such a strange feeling, or the fact that Im totally stranger to it. Trying to imagine him in secondary school, when he still liked her.

If only I knew. Its not jealousy, its not....I just feel weird.

Maybe I should stop reading. TT

I feel like I'm gonna fall flat on my face any momment. Im just so tired.

English, POA, geog, chem, bio, chinese, lit and ss.

Did I leave out anything,

Im sure I did.

Wait, I didn't.

Forget it.

I had a wonderful break yesterday and today.

I have to face school the coming tuesday.

just great

I saw a puddle of water on my room's smooth wooden floor. That puddle...my tears.

Stop murdering my one and only motivation to study.

Stop drowning me in stress.

Stop..please stop. Im dying, can't you see it?

Prelims are in 23 days.

...

Im so gonna fail

Its just simply strange.

He said, he was talking to her...

That got me going to his blog posts...reading about how much he suffered last time.

He also told me this before, :" Correct what, I like older girls. They're more mature. Even if I were to fall for a younger girl, she must be daaaaamn mature."

Um...um...um...im not.

It seems like im only getting in your way.

TT

Useless, cant seem to do anything right.

I cant even understand you.

So into your arms of comfort, I ran.

2 days of school, proved horrible.

____

Heard about drag me to hell from classmates, all sounded quite fun. Lets organise a group get-together, and lets watch it. :D Jere, Wan feng, Alwyn, Amos, Joseph, Nic, and shaun? They're all boys...-.- Unfortunately, the only girl that I got to know in 2 years hates me. And not for anything I meant or not..to do. (Its really not on purpose/my fault)

I havent been studying much, only listening in class. Copying random notes, getting ready for prelims. However, it has been maple ever since I came back from school.

Im level 53 now, Im not satisfied, well. Of course. Im not really surprised. Wan feng is talking on the phone now, speaking of which, from his conversation he is so conviniently letting me hear, He is not coming on maple anytime soon, well, there goes my ringer. On a random note, im really starting to grow on last remnant.

Well, I believe putting the phone on hold and rushing off for a quick shower won't make any differences, so here goes.

Later, maybe tomorrow, maybe never,

Yuki

Tears are becoming more uncontrollable now.

Whenever I think about school re opening, I am scared.

I don't want to study study study, and then fail,

When I study, I also don't know where to start. What to study, or whether im studying the correct thing.

Teachers say that only 10% of us will make it through N levels.

Mum said I must pass or everyone will start blaming her.

I don't know what to do.

Im lost...

Happy 85th post. Have I been blogging that much?

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?

Or rather in this case, dreaming.

Why am I not surprised?

So many things happened. So tired.

Thanks jere and feng for yesterday. Thanks for staying with me in the 107M.

L4D yet again, and horribly failed this time. Really dont know what happened to me. Kenna boomer vomit, jumped out of the window by myself. And kenna die.

Feng also died. Smokered and died.

I think jere survived only.

Went to suntec after ishi mura, played arcade until 10.30. Reached home around 11 plus.

Bathed, talked to feng until 1 plus. Then woke up around 8.30. And...studied a bit, Sleep. Mapled.

I think tmr going feng's house. With jere and amos.

I can't talk...I don't know what to say.

Dear, maybe only him...can make you laugh this way, its probably something I'll never be able to do. Sorry, Im useless.

Maybe I'm just..really not your type.

Spent the whole of last night talking about how stupid maple story 2 is.

While playing it. =X

...

I have to study.

I really really do.

One more post before I really have to shower.

Dear is in malaysia today. Decided not to anti myself with maple. Going out later, to play lan with jere and shaun. :D

Awesome dinner at ishi mura(yishun) yesterday, Walked around with dear. In the end, took away rice home too. Mapled, went to sleep. Woke up at 7 plus, talked to dear until no connection. Went back to sleep and woke up around 10.

I want ishi mura today too. =X

My forgiving boyfriend

Thanks for today. Yummy lunch, well. Nice lunch at the bubble tea shop consisting of cup noodles, fries and passionfruit green tea followed by peppermint milk tea. Nice nap followed by yummy dinner at ishi mura. Dessert at ice monster, mango shaved ice. =D Dinner was awesome, talking with chris lee and his friend...xiang an is it? o.0

Oyaku chicken don and ramen is love. :D

Two months already. Each day being with you will be the greatest day of my life.

I love you.

Thanks for being understanding, forgiving, thrifty(yes, I do embrace this side of you once in a while). Always considering my welfare, letting me have my way sometimes, knowing when Im hungry(i'm still touched by this cos not many people would bother) And the list goes on.

But dear dear dear, can we eat at Ishi mura today? XD

This is where our journey ends

Now that you have them, its time for me to go.

It just can't carry on, what happened today was simply the most insulting thing I could recieve...from you. And ironically, I expected the most from you. Besides my boyfriend at least.

Sighs. I should learn to understand you. But I never did, and you assumed I never tried.

Or at least, to be evil. I didn't bother to actually try. I should have listened, but I really trusted you. More then I understood you anyway.

What you asked me to do and what we did, was the biggest insult to our friendship.
I REALLY should have listened

Deleted

-deleted-

I don't know what came over me yesterday. Maybe it was stress, I don't know. I hate myself. 

Hopefully, tomorrow will have a promising buffet trip. 

Later,

I'll love him till I die

Yesterday was damn fun! 

Woke dear at 5.30. Long story but in the end, he was working at 7pm. He went home, we mapled/do stuff for mum. Supposed to go jere's house at 9 but in the end, went around 12. (Dear went to sleep)

Joseph and jere were there. They were playing GE. Then slacked, and went to eat lunch. Imba fish and chips. ^^

Issac came next. I called Dear and we all yelled for him to come down. Fever, high ler. 

Which in the end, he did. 

We used jere's bedroom for awhile. Before Amos called, dear went to play CS. While amos is on his way down, I fell alseep while hearing joseph's piano playing, River flows in you ftw!

Went down to fetch amos, slack a bit before going off to wt. 

Food was awesome. We played chess before bringing them to the bus stop. Amos and Issac left first. Damn interesting to see dear work. ^^

A good end to a great day. Dear ended work, called around 9 ot 10.30? Cant remember. Went home, mapled. And talked until 3. 

Meeting him at 11, will he be able to wake up?

I believe today would be another great day. Maybe lanning? 

Even if maple is a senseless game, mapling with you is really very fun. 

You said something, "I okayy der. Most important is you." 

My heart really just skipped a beat. Of course I want to see you tomorrow, but work hard alright?

Not like you'll be seeing this...have a good rest.

Level till 22 today. 12 levels in one day. ^^ All thanks to dear who trained me, bought me equip and all. 

Hm. Im going off to sleep.

Face book quiz.

What are you really afraid of?

You tend to laugh and joke around when you are with everyone, but you feel lonely and empty when are all alone. you cry alone when you have stress and problems. you often have many problems that are bugging you, but you never show them out on your face. you are not as cheerful as they thought, but you just don't wish to spoilt the mood of everyone, hence you hide your emotions inside. you are just a weak human with feelings afterall

Maybe its really true. Shrugs. 

I'm not really acting cheerful..but. Still...

"Cardinal Baggia," the killer hissed, "have you prayed yet?"

The Italian's eyes were fearless, "Only for your soul."

Okay, I memorised that entire part of angels and demons. And in my opinion, that is the best part of the book.

I'm still waiting for a number of things.

Da vinci code. 

Maple server check to end, so I can get my 1000 maple leaves and get my maple earrings

And I need to rehunt alot of other stuff, Oh god.

Hopefully, can go out tomorrow. And damn sick of intensive lessons, when it havent even started. 

How will I survive?

Went back to mapling. ^^

Not planning to get addicted. But just playing for the fun of it. 

I am reminded of all the nice people I met in maple. It really did change my life

And then. Silence

-Silence-

 I told him my fear. I told him everything.

I trust you...completely.

Science centre...exciting? No.

I should have ponned today. I really really should have. But there goes my intensive training timetable. Omg. I just reminded myself.

Just like what chris lee says, Just get it over and done with.

I really need to do well for prelims. Chem chem chem. Geog geog geog. 

Nevermind, chem can ask jere. Geog..um. Ask chris? 

...

Exam stress is getting to me and frying my brain alive.

Sighs...why is it always silence when I talk to him now?

Do we have nothing to say? Or do we just enjoy the silence of hearing each other's background sounds?

At least I know he cares

...

I love you. You know that right? 

Tell me that soon, okayy? I really miss it.

The only one whos got enough of me to break my heart

Alrights. Lets see, its 10.21. I want to compile all my rubbish posts into one long post. Don't read it if you're not interested. Or hate long posts, or something along that line. 

On monday, I decided to give wed and thurs a miss cos there will be no teachers in class. And I did.

On wednesday, I recieved a message early in the morn which erased all the whatever thoughts I had of going to school, from amos. He told me some shit crap which I normally would think it over rationally, but no. I blew. 

I wasn't angry, I was freaking crying. Jealousy was the winner there. Called an extremely shocked amos. Which feng called back later. Long story but it so happens he and amos were meeting up to eat macs. 

Wanting to see him/did not want to spend a lonely day at home, I asked if he could come over. Buying hotcakes over at the same time. Mm..goodness. So he did. Which luckily, did not notice my eyes. 

We chatted for awhile, he did something with my speakers. And crashed over on my bed. 

He saw my cuts, got sian-ed out of his life. And I felt guilty. Maybe he did care after all. 

Let him sleep, I went over to the guest room to sleep on the forever itching sofa. Amos smsed me and lo and behold, jere too which happens he did not go to school.

So it was arranged for jere to come over as well. 

He did around 2, wan feng woke up as well. Then began pata ponning, and some shit crap around the house. 

Went off at 6 to amk to eat dinner. Reached home around 9.

Thurs. Decided to pon as well.

Talked to amos who didnt feel so good and he ponned sch as well.

Restaurant citied for awhile. Cooked breakfast.

Called wan feng, and joined calls with amos. BIG mistake.

Amos decided to pata pata pata pon feng's beat off. And slam, the phone line went dead.

I was frightened, I don't know what for. And blew. Again.

Which led to a whole string of events. And it ended with feng calling me and screaming his head off. Which surprised me so much, I shut up instantly. 

We talked till around 4-5, when I wanted to read angels and demons. So I put down the call. 

Went out with mum and eat. Was back around 7.

Then he called around 8. We chatted. Quite happily. Then he had to bathe.

And he called back, and I have to sleep soon. Im giddy. =X

Going back to school tomorrow. And of to the science centre.

Meeting up with him on saturday. ^^

I'm reminded, of...that time. Maybe only jeremy would know what I'm talking about. 

Reading his blogs, I'm reminded of his threat. Break me huh? Like how many god damn times he already did. (Sorry jere, I know they are your friends. But its a different case for me. Do me a favour, dont lecture me)

I can have a hell lot of things to say. But my mood is swinging too badly. I will just turn this into a rant. A childish one at that.

...

And, I officially give up on the problem I have at hand. 

I hear from both sides, they are both right. But they refuse to forgive. Refuse to believe, maybe you think its easy for me to say this kind of words. But I went through more then you think I had. More, definately more. And if my advice ALL falls on deaf ears, and if I have to argue my way through the prob, im sorry. Im not gonna waste my time. 

I have to get this off my mind.

Blaming yourself is not going to get you anywhere. Refusing to see each others points wont either. And why would you all gang up and bully the victim? Does that make you all very big? Does that make you feel any better? Come on lah, he want to rant, he want to say, your prob is it? And then run away from the problem, then send someone to 'argue' with me. I still dont see why I have to talk to her. To see your point? No, I never saw it from the start. 

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BELIEVE HE LOVES YOU? Why must you think so much? And read so much into the hell of a small problem. When there's actually nothing there at all.

Okayy, maybe im the one to talk. But I don't run, at least I try to talk to him(and NO. This is not bhb)

I know my mood is swinging damn badly still. Im trying not to blow.

Don't.make.me. You will regret it, i swear,

That killer smile of yours

I knew I couldnt escape from it. All this time I've been running, and it finally caught up with me. Damn you fatigue.

Saturdays and Sundays are simply awesome. But our weekend is TOO short. Met up with jere and issac yesterday in bugis. Went to find earrings and buy thumbdrive for mum. Then we went off cos we couldnt find those two sango dudes, it was nice to be alone. :) Walked to suntec and went to marina square from there. Ate nasi goreng and it will be the last time I ever eat it. Went up to rooftop. And sat 70 home. Waited with him for 76. And yupp. Sat went by like that.

Today was alright. Very fun. Met amos in the 24. Went down to amk. Bought bubble tea. Ate lunch. Walk to library. Darling sneaked up from behind me, where the hell did he come from? Went into library. Dj-maxed and played vahalla knights. Rearded games ftw. Went to s-11 eat fried rice and walked amos to bus stop. Crapped alot but very fun. Then went to amk meet jere. Kof-ed at zone x and virtual land. Then went to macs and I played psp again. Went home. 

Talked to amos and darling on the bus. Showered but still very giddy.

Man, I don't feel like sleeping, wake up to another shit day. BUT BUT BUT darling coming down tomorrow. I just want to lie in his arms, feel his hands on my head. The feeling is unbeatable. Even if I were to win kof stage 8 with 3 random. 

Your eyes, that killer smile.

When there was me and you

Went to watch angels and demons yesterday. It's nice, um. A 8 out of 10.

Didn't go school today. Slacking, restaurant citying. And waiting for him to get up.

At 6.30am this morn, he smsed me asking if his mp3 was with me. Nope, it wasn't. 

Hope he found it, is sleeping with it on. Explains why he didn't answer all my wake up calls. Please oh please let that be the case.

Oh oh! I passed combined humans. Though my social studies is still as hopeless as ever.

Omg. It was damn funny. Me and cherie went high. Cos we both got the same marks. 15/50.

We even gave each other a high five. Much to the displeasure of miss intan. Who later asked us to write a reflection on our mid year results. 

Thanks to all who believed in me, gave me strength to pull through this difficult exam period. 

Darling, thank you thank you thank you for sharing my joy, sharing my failures and telling me you know I did my best. 

I love everything you do. Eg. Biting my arm. Stealing my miso soup. Ruffling my hair. Tickling my neck. Almost making me puke yesterday. Being random. Being sweet. Being mischevious. Being sleepy. Teaching me how to use chopsticks. I love you, for every single thing you have done for me. Thank you for being there for me, always.

And thank you for not blaming me for the loss of your mp3, thanks for an awesome dinner and thank you for the microphone. 

I'm tired...in a happy way. 

I failed, every single subject. 

Except I passed maths paper 1. 

Mid year results are a wake up call. I need to start studying. 

I think its either im thinking too much, or something has gone wrong between us.

It's not like I can talk to him about it. He's busy now.

We have become more distant. Maybe its my fault.

But when this ends, what will become of me? Will I stay strong, life goes on?

Or will this never end? Lasting forever? I think Im becoming emo.

Sighs.

I want to hear those 3 words, that can make my heart beat fast. Only you, can make me feel that way.

Massive headache

Woke up, with a headache. Good thing I didn't wake up in between 7-9. I'll jus die of boredem,

Meeting up with dear layter. At 10.15. Oops, gotta get ready soon.

Although its really hard to manage my time, the feeling of someone you love just so much, being close to you, loving you,

...I can't put that feeling in words? Love? i dont know.

Anyway, to all that wished us happy one month, THANKS! :) 

Although I may be a little demanding, always seeking your attention, selfish, unreasonable..and the list goes on. But you have to believe I still love you. It can never be put into words how proud am I of you, and of course, how much I feel for you.

Omg! Dear's picture won special mention award, was like...speechless when I saw, happy when he was happy. And even happier when I found out the photo was modeled by me. ^^

Met up with dear today. He came over, spend the whole morning in each other's company. Then went to yishun for lunch. Jap food court ftw. Trained down to dhoby ghaut. Then saw blood donation drive. Got consent form and decided to come back tomorrow. 

Went down to suntec. Sat at rockery and slacked. Alwyn came, met up with shaun and jere at the arcade. Joseph came but me and dear went home.

Sat 70m. Waited with him for 76, Maybe watching angels and demons tomorrow.

Im still deciding. He said he doesnt like movies...

One month,

From a relationship that I thought was just a fling, that it wouldn't last blossomed into something special. Something sweet, something that is definately worth fighting for.

I can't imagine life without you now.

I don't even want to imagine. 

Anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR.

I love you, one month has passed. Things can only get better,

Only he knows how afraid I am of lightning...

I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now, make the pain just go away. Can't stop the tears from running down my face.

I'm feeling so lost. No no, not THAT lost. But, somethings missing. And my gut feeling tells me he's not gonna be back in time to go out. Another day just aimlessly passing by.

Went out for dinner yesterday. Thanks jeremy, thanks joseph. :)

Kof-ed a little, went to eat dinner at KFC. Watched them play chess one ground. So pro T_T

Then went to bookshop buy something, then went to carrefour see joseph play piano. After a while, I went home.

On the 107-m, I was so cold, so tired. I just didn't want to think, I just didn't want to cry. I promised I will stay strong.

Went home, continuing making my time consming present. Talked to Amos. Did until about 12 am when mum nagged me to sleep. I couldn't feel my feet on the ground, serious. Amos told me to reclaim my sleep debt. 

And so I did, slept until 8 today. Yay. 

He havent smsed me yet. Hurry back to me, Im waiting darling.

When you're gone

He should be on the streets on malaysia now, with each passing second, we're even further apart.

I'm actually very happy, although he looks unaffected, although he sounds calm, I know he will be thinking of me. At the same time, I long to see him. 

Especially if the ring that connects the both of us together, is not with him. 

It means I have the entire day to myself. 

Should I be happy about it?

OMG OMG OMG.

Thanks dear! MY SOUND DEVICE IS WORKING.

YES YES YES!!!!

YAY!

My boyfriend is officially the best. Of course, in my eyes. :)

Too bad he's going to malaysia tomorrow, T_T SoL4D team, im sorry. Won't be going out on sat. Must study for chem. But if anyone want to go out on sun, can drop me a sms. 

:D

English and math paper was madness. 

TOTAL madness.

"You two are still very young. What if he meets a girl he likes next time?" 

I don't even want to think about that, Although I know is right? Do I have no choice, but to agree?

Mum saw feng as he came over to fix my comp, or to make it fit for use. Apparently, he's leaving for malaysia on saturday. How am I suppose to fit my longing for him for 2 days into a few freaking hours? 

My comp is much faster, and I believed our relationship took off in a whole new level.

It just gets better and sweeter as the days go by, I don't even miss being single anymore.

There is no need to say I love you because its written all over my face

I already dread the coming weekend, cos I know I'll be alone. I want to hold on to him, "Please stay." But he can't. And im not selfish.

Maybe I'm simply weak, but I'll miss you like crazy. Maybe it'll help us in a way, but it'll hurt. I know it will.
You act so calm, comfort me and all. Are you really that unaffected? Or is it all on the inside?

Damn, I have poa paper tomorrow. And *applause*, its 2.52 am and Im here blogging.
I don't really give a shit anymore. I can fail geog and poa for all I care.
Strange, dad became a christian. But I'm not even closed to thrilled.

I never thought you'll grow to be a part of my life. I never thought this would ever happen to me. But since this is the route I have chosen, I have to learn to deal with every obstacle. I'll be strong, I'll endure, only because I love you.

I mean it when I say I love you, every single word, every single time.

No one can tutor me the way he does, I love my rewards. No need money but yet, priceless. And yet, I can find maths fairly easy today. Except for my geog, its horrendous. No one can save it.

I think Im an unreasonable girlfriend. I hate it when he's busy.
Hate it hate it. Am I still on his mind?

Strawberries

I really do love strawberries. Sweet or sour. Especially when its given by him.

STRAWBERRY hello panda
STRAWBERRY pocky
STRAWBERRY shortcake.

He has yet to give me strawberry lollipop. Maybe I do taste lsweet. Since he's constantly surprising me with sweet stuff. Passionfruit yoghurt, strawberry pocky, strawberry hello panda.
I don't know, gotta ask him.

Darling: i know you're always behind me no matter how I do in exams, how poor am I in studies. Thank you. I love you. Remember that alright?

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

YES I DO.

I was thinking about it and I suddenly remembered. If I didn't meet Wan feng, I would have probably have lost my life by now. 3 times...
Interesting. And maybe I'll still be running and stumbling down the entirely wrong path.

Lonliness

Once I experienced the warmth of you for 3 days straight, I cannot stand the feeling of returning to a completely empty house. When i cry, no one sees, no one knows. Once I experience the warmth of your voice and smses, I cannot bear it when I don't hear you. I hate that feeling, There's nothing to remind me of you, no hoodie, no nothing.
If loving is wrong, then I never ever want it to be right.

Had english and chinese papers today. I slept as little as I could but yet, I screwed up. The topics are just not registering themselves in my head. Except I think I did well for chinese compo. But I didn't feel the joy nor any satisfaction. So, in the end. Told nothing happy to dear. I didn't know why i cried in the first place, at first, I thought it was that the papers were difficult. But his message just made me cry more. Then I know, I miss you. I hate being lonely.
Ate my lunch, watched two dramas on channel 8. Felt an overwhelming feeling to see him, give him a hug. And then whisper in his ear how much i love him. But he wasn't by my side.
Went up to called him, he said he was still in the poly.
...Didn't feel like talking to him when he was still there.
Finally, my internet worked. Don't think I will be online for very long tonight. Still got to mug social studies, BIG TIME. For lit, I have full confidence. ^^

I don't know, I still want to see him.

How did I ever find you?

The more you do for me, the more I wonder. How did I ever find you? How did I even think of just taking the easy way out? Really...I'm an idiot sometimes. That day, when I was crying. I could feel nothing, except the pressure of your arm and the gentle patting of my head. I love you more with each breath, each passing second I don't see you.
These few days are eventful, I slept a full 7 hours today, finally. My sleep debt is paid off. Say hi to a newly refreshed me. My mum is back, no swine flu = Mid years exams on monday(Yay) The only thing is, I don't want to do camera today. I really really dont want.
I haven't been blogging for 3 days. Lets start of with wednesday.
-Wed-
Turns out that I can't sign a line due to mum owing m1 outstanding bills. Went to a random rooftop and cried my heart out. But, thanks dear. He signed a line for me, got me VIEWTY! VIEWTY VIEWTY VIEWTY! Awesome lar. To anyone who wants my new number, ask Wan feng or you can ask me on msn. ^^

-Thurs-
He came down to school. 53-ed down to serangoon. Slacked at macs, ate. Then random rooftoop again. After that, bought mcflurry. Sent him to bus stop, walked home.

-Fri-
Met him around 11 at AMK. Peppermint milk tea ftw! Went with him to update something. Then went arcade. He played time crisis 4. Then I played puzzle fighter and Kof. Then went to empty stairwell. After that, chiong go plaza meet Amos, Jeremy, Issac and Joseph. After arcade for awhile, wanted to go LAN but all full. So me and amos and dear went to amk. I hate my L4D skills now, cos I realized im getting irritated by boomer's vomit, friendly fire and all the things dear used to scold us for. Shit. Amos had to leave halfway during death toll advance. So me and dear chiong. In the end, all survivors survived. Then we tried dead air normal. All survived too!
Went to eat dinner and went home. Talked to dear. Slept.
The best thing was, dreaming someone called me. Cos my ringtone used to be cai hong. Then I woke up, jeremy smsed me. Revenge lor, 5 am sia. Haha. Went back to sleep. Woke up at 7 to poke my mum.

I hope today will be a better day. Together, with each passing day, we take a step towards our future, together.