I don't want to lose you

Today proved to be fruitful. I managed a new poem, well. It isn't really good as my mood was, for once. Not good when I wrote it. Anyway...

It had never occurred to me
People were that bad.
I thought that they were kind,
I didn't know they were this mad.

Screwing up someone else's life
Is something I'll never do.
However, when someone accuses you of that,
how the hell am I suppose to feel?

Am I suppose to leave you?
Are these feelings suppose to end?
So what if I were to leave you alone,
Will anything change then?

Pardon me, I'm selfish.
I still need you to go on.
This obstacle will not affect us,
NO one will ever break our bond.

Its lousy but...whatever, Perfect for how I felt.
Geog is interesting. Mrs wong crushed a lizard alive. I was screaming on my chair.
And guess what? I passed my 2.4. My mood changed from happiness, to worried. And finally, I was freaking mad. I know my boyfriend, if he doesn't want to leave. NO ONE, not even me can get him to leave. Damn it, my mood did soften though. But its like...so whatever.
My first thought was to break up with him immediately but I slapped myself for being this childish. I will get through this, with him. Its not gonna break us, its gonna strengthen us. I bring this relationship before you daddy god, bless it. Make it flourish, make it last.
During my 2.4, a lot of things were on my mind. One main thing was, Amos and Alwyn.
Alwyn is still emoing but I'm not pissed, more of worried. I can't tell anyone. Koori cant be bothered, Im not allowed to tell van or amos. AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP IT TO MYSELF? AM I IN THIS ALONE?
Glad that I got that out, and glad that Amos and van are talking. Looks like our path is getting brighter. Cheer up dear :)
I realized that I am already ready for a life together with him(I'm not referring to marriage), just being together with him. And stuff. Calling him everyday become a daily thing. If I don't worry about him, somethings very wrong with me then. I'm also getting the hang out balancing social life with him. Thanks for your support everyone. Especially with the L4D team and Kor.
I shan't blog any further.
Later,

Yuki is happy

L4D new team, Kor, me chris and dear. Of course, the old one would not be replaced. But I can't wait to see how kor plays L4d. Yeah, I got my bro back. ^^
I suppose the two most interesting days would be saturday and sunday,
Went to dear's house on sat. Ate, played L4D, talked a little...and yeah. Went to plaza sing to meet chris. Ate at Burger king, collected our rings. ^^ Us and us alone 2 would be up...soon.
Then went to play L4D, died countless times before dear managed to escape while chris and I died. Then we went to the arcade. I played KoF, time crisis. They played some...new game. And then dear and I left for bishan to eat. Ate yoshinoya. Recieved a message from Jeremy saying he saw me. And yeah, we started talking.

Met up with dear at AMK on sunday. Went to eat at food court. Then, went to arcade for awhile before going library. Went back to AMK to meet alwyn, jeremy, amos, shaun ong. Then went to arcade. Then to library. Then me and dear went off to arcade to play KoF with joseph. Then after that, walked back to library, this time, with jeremy. Studied for awhile. Played at playground, then went to eat before going back to the arcade to watch kor play sango. It was an interesting game.
Hm, the day ended just like that. I want to see him, badly. The one that turns me on.

Is my relationship that interesting?

I don't understand, why is people so concerned about my love life?
Its getting annoying, SERIOUSLY.

I was just so fed-up yesterday. Even my thinking got screwed. Can't do anything, just felt like sleeping. And never wake up.
In the end, I didn't even sleep much. =X Woke up at 5.30 at started stoning.
Today is the last day of school. Thank goodness.
Will be going out tomorrow to collect something and to play L4D. I miss the game. ^^

Viewty viewty. Still haven't gotten it off my mind yet.

Quiz time, tagged by Van-san

1. Spell your name without an E,R,S,H,K,I,M,L,C,A,Y,N,T,B
Zo

2. Are you single?
Nope.

3. What is your favourite number?
5

4. What is your favourite color?
Black

5. Least favourite color?
Shocking pink

6. What are you listening to now?
Never be replaced

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
You can say that.

8. Are you involved with anyone?
Involved in a relationship.

9. What is your favourite subject in school?
Probably lit.

11. Do you have money?
No, im absolutely broke.

12. Where do you wish you were right now?
In YJC, beside him,

13. If you had to get a tattoo, where would you want it? and what would it be?
I want it to be on my ankle, of a scorpian

THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?
Of course, those 1 dollar bottles you can get at mini mart

Can you do a cart wheel?
Yeah

Can you touch your toes?
Yeah, obviously

Can you wiggle your ears?
No

Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
Thats gross.

THE DIDS:
Did you ever want to be a doctor?
YEAH!

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
Once.

Did you ever want to be a teacher?
When I was young.

THE DOs:
Do you like roller coasters?
Yeah

Do you own a bike?
No, I can get people to ride and I sit behind.

Do you play the lotto?
Hate that

Do you like watching football?
No but I will know the scores sooner or later.


THE DOES:
Does your wallet have any pics in it?
No

THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?
Wan feng

Last car ride?
Hmm...

Last baby you held?
The baby at swensens who cried when i held it.


LAST THING:
What was the last thing you bought?
Green tea.

What was the last thing you had drink?
My 2nd bottle of green tea.

What was the last thing you watched?
Haruhi episode.

What was the last thing you read?
Smses

What was the last thing your hand wrote?
My story.

THE WHOS:

Who last talked to you on the phone?
Amos

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Wan feng

Last person to leave you a comment?
Not sure, my oral teacher?

Who do you miss right now?
The L4D team.

Who last hugged you?
Wan feng.

CURRENTLY:
What colour shirt are you wearing?
Red

Have any tattoos?
I wish.

Have you any piercings?
nope.

Straight hair or curly?
Straight

Where are you right now?
Home.

HAVE YOU EVER:
Failed a class test?
As usual.

Sang in front of a crowd?
Today, in class.

THREE RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:
1. In a relationship? Yes
2. Want a relationship? I already have one damn it
3. Wanna get married? Yup

FOUR THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. N levels.
2. L4D team
3. Oral results.
4. How to survive the next 8 days.

When was the last time you really laughed?
Probably today during english class.

Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
Yeah

Who knows a big secret about you?
Wan feng

How long is your hair?
Long
When was the last time you sang out loud?
Today, bouken desho desho!

What did you have for breakfast?
A slice of cake

Is your birthday on a holiday?
No.

What instant messaging service do you use?
MSN

Are you signed on it right now and if so, who are you talking to?
Amos who is not replying me

Can you cook?
Yeah cooking ftw!

Did you have a nap today?
In class.

What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Xin wang. Cos it used to be my working shirt.

Do you have any regrets?
Alot of them.

Do you use an alarm clock?
Yes

Where was your default Facebook picture taken?
It was not taken, it was made

What's the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
How he looks.

Who would you like to see right now?
Wan feng and my mum

Are you a social or antisocial person?
Somewhere in between the both

Have the cops ever come to your house?
Yes

Do you have a tan?
I cant tan,

Ever had braces?
No, soon though.

Are you afraid of the dark?
YES, VERY

Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
What the hell?

What's your favourite commercial at the moment?
None, they're either too boring or too retarded

Do you always wear your seat belt?
Only when Im sitting in the front.

Who of the opposite sex do you have feelings for?
Wan feng, my boyfriend. ^^

Do you like American Idol?
NO

How do you feel about piercings and tattoo?
I have 5 piercings and I want a tattoo.

Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
It depends

What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries!

Does anyone love you?
Duh, im always loved

Where is one place you want to visit?
TOKYO!

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Um, should be

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Im more active in night

Are you a forgiving person?
Used to be

Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
No, I always get drunk at home

Who was the last person to smoke a cig in your presence?
My dad

Are you taller than 5'6?
?

Ever threw up?
Yes

Ever had a crush on a teacher?
Yeah

Ever been punched in the face?
Yes, this morn

Ever punch someone?
Yes

Wan feng, do this man! And Alwyn, amos and...everyone that is reading this, yes, including you.

Only for you

I only model for you, and no one else.
Because...ah well. You already know the reason. Have a good day in school.

Had quite an interesting day yesterday. Tiring but definitely interesting.

Lessons

I suddenly felt that the 1 episode of Haruhi on my psp has taught me a valuable lesson.
And that is to listen to someone else's advice.

Yes, dear is right, That episode is a major spoiler.
But it has also made me realise that dear likes ponytails. In a way, it had made me love my own ponytail. And my hair too. Cos I can tie french plait now. ^^

Was wronged BADLY in class today, Didn't know whether to cry, laugh or glare at her. I glared at her, laughed in my heart and tried my hardest not to cry. In the end, I learnt that I have no basic manners. Wow. If I have no manners...I shall not carry on.
I have also learnt that I miss my shampoo more then I actually know. My hair FINALLY smells fine.

Didn't manage to blog yesterday as I was crashing at grandma's place and would be for the next 10 days. Damn, I hate it there, like seriously. No comp, no nothing. She doesnt allow me to talk later then 10 pm. Like...wtf?
Talked to dear yesterday. Felt damn lonely as his voice was the closest thing to home. Didn't sleep well. Woke up, had to go home for money. Ran 11 rounds for morn run before realizing today was no air con and fan day till 11.05. Hot until cannot hot.
So many people was affected, in every lesson, sure can hear someone saying about smell.
I stink! Couldn't wait to get home to bathe. Shiok.

Random info: I want LG Viewty.

I never know what I have until its gone

How many times did I wish she'll leave for Denver earlier? The day had came but why do I feel so empty? I can't stand the thought of living with grandma for 10 days. Now I know, I sort of had no curfew even if I complained I had. Cos they expect me back before 8.30. Crap.
But not to mention, I can talk on the phone longer there...But I miss her. Mum, come back soon.

I had the sudden urge to pon school today. Since im only going to be following the same old routine. Wait, its friday's timetable. No pe but...its damn sian.
On the brighter side, I SHOULD be getting LG viewty if nothing goes wrong. Dear is already complaining about my old sound system, mum is pretty fine.

Should be getting either black or dark silver.





























Off to school, this is a useless post as Im doing this to keep myself from going insane over dear and viewty.

Whats the ending?

Van mentioned she could not fore see any ending. Makes me wonder, what lies in store for me and my beloved? I can't see, but yet, it seems everyday we are taking a step towards our future. I have a bad feeling about something, like something BIG is about to happen. Im guarding and losing trust in everyone. That sucks. I hate not trusting anyone.

I take a step forward, each day. Unsure of what lies ahead. I want your hand, your words, those familiar arms. That whisper, your voice.

So many things, so little time, Long post alert.

There's so many things, so many problems, so many idiots in school(This is out of the topic but I just felt like putting this in), The general thing is, I don't have time.
I didn't know what happened in school today, from 7.00 am to 3.10 pm. All I ever focused on, was on my friends and beloved. Ice-kun, Van-san, Amos and Alwyn. Okay, I admit. I was dumb in remembering the past that lost me 45 mins of precious sleep time when I have so many friends close to me. But if I didn't stay up, I wouldn't have gotten van-san's email and phone number. Hmm..food for thought. The only lesson I was ever really interested in was maths. But this would come later. I have to take a shower. Back.
Maths lesson...
...My card is almost outta money but anyway. Mrs wong was there early, recieved a disturbing message..make that 2 of that messages and requested to go to the toilet. Permission granted, sprinted there. Called dear but when he called back, someone came into the toilet.
Koori, here's your answer. You would have realised by now, your words are by far, the most important to me. When you told me about the clients thing, I felt disappointed. I was ready to shut everything off and wallow in self-pity. I believed you for a second. But, something you told me kept me listening. You told me to trust my judgment, the guy I like would NEVER do this to me. Got your answer?
Went back to class. She was talking about probability and I started thinking again. What is the probability of us meeting? With one staying at newton area, another in AMK, another living somewhere Im not sure off, another at the other end of singapore...it is almost 0%. And so many choices I made led to this. Just change one direction of my life and I would not have met you guys. Scary. And then, we started on hands on stuff. Did not really think, had fun with the dices.
After math, she scolded us. And I knew the sleeping in class thing was directed to our group. Sorry mrs wong, I was really really tired. I rarely sleep in math class. Gimme some credit?

Waaaay back in the morn, someone asked me if I had 3 boyfriends. I gave her the reply, YES. Whatever, isn't that the answer she wanted to hear? To say it in the kindergarden way, yes. I have 3 boy-friends. Get it? Lame, yeah. I know. But what did they want in the first place? What they wanted was what I gave them. Think about it.
Sms-ed van-san. I enjoy her company, her messages. She can really get me thinking, which was what kept me occupied the entire day. Till 3.10. And then took a slow walk home. When I opened the door, I usually hear the quiet echo of my footsteps. But now, I actually heard his voice when I opened the door. A simple whisper, a simple phrase, "I love you." It might be my imagination, but in a way. It is not cos he actually does. But whether he was thinking of it at that time or not, I would not know.

No one but you.

Koori - chan: 1 thing 2 do. 3 words 4 you. I love you.
Yes. I definitely do. I promise, I will not mention Jeremy again. Or jean. Like I said, i'll focus, on OUR future. So please, do stop worrying. You're fine the way you are. Relationships are meant to give you happiness. Not stress.
The moment when you said you loved me, I just couldn't find the words to describe how I felt. My eyes welled up with tears, tears of joy. I probably can't find someone that loves me more then you do. But even if I could, there is no one that I can love so much. Beyond all the unbearable longing to see you, tears, pain, stress, there is the unmistakable happiness. I. Am. Happy.

Went to celebrate Lao ma's birthday today. Food was okayy, service was fine. Timing sucks.
After that, met feng and amos at raffles place mrt. Then sat train down to plaza. Went to couple lab. Thanks dear. I know it was expensive, I will ALWAYS wear that ring, except maybe when Im bathing.
Then walked with amos for a little while. After he left, we went to carls jr. Shared a meal with him. Then went to library study. Managed to finish 1 chapter before we went to the usual rooftop. It was the best, EVER.
When you asked me who Jeremy was to me, my head was whirling. I was frightened by the look in your eyes, but I couldn't tear myself away from that look. Your grip was firm, I knew you wanted my answer. I thought, of how to phrase my answer. He is nothing, but someone in my past. But, I treasure my past. Because if I didn't go through what I did, I wouldn't be who I am.
When you asked me if I loved you, your look was even more intense. When you leaned in, I couldn't think anymore. When I could finally think again, my past was gone, only my future remained. However, I knew I had hurt you. I'm sorry. Maybe in your eyes, Im mature. But...Im still a mature kid. You have to believe me, im afraid of losing you too.
Stared out at the night view, the smell of the fresh air plus his scent, I miss it.

Walked to the bus stop. 70-ed back. He was pretty quiet on the ride home. However, I knew I was still on his mind because whenever the bus jerks, his arms would always secure me. Somehow, I felt so useless. I couldnt make you smile, you look so weary, so tired. However, I still can't tear my eyes from yours. When you said we should see each other less, my heart sank even if I knew you're right. I reached out to touch your face one last time before you went on the bus. I couldnt walk for a few minutes when the bus pulled away from the stop. I miss you, terribly.
Strolled home, bathed. Chatted, now blogging.

I don't know how to put the rest of my feelings in words. But please dear, know that I love you and I don't want to lose you.

Run baby run, don't ever look back, they'll tear us apart if we give them the chance.

I won't turn back and look at the past. Cos after that kiss, im even more sure.
You're the one.
The past lays forgotten, only my new future with you lays ahead.

Im trying. Really...I am

Dear, from now on.
I'll try not to
-use sia
-use vulgarities
-use 'cannot arh'
and i can't remember all the other things that make you unhappy. I will not do it. But give me time, I need time to change.

From who I was and to become someone new.
The thought is really scary, freaky.
Like, woah. Me not using those words are a little hard to imagine.
But if it's for you,
Fine. Im willing to change.

I love him. Alot.
The way that he would call, and try to sound cheerful cos Im always commenting that he sounds emo.
The way that he would ruffle my hair and play with it.
The way that he would carry my bag and sometimes, his camera bag at the same time.
The way that he holds my hand when we're walking.
The way that he looks at my scars
The way that he feels my pain.
The way that he smiles, the way that he would look when I ruffle his hair and then try to make it back.
The way that he looks when he's emoing.
The way his voice sounds, when he's happy when he's sad.
The way that he looks when he's serious.
The way he shouts when he's irritated(usually when we're playing L4D)
The way he sounds when he shouts, "Boomer!" XD
The way he looks when he's tired. The way he looks when he looks at me.
The way he would ask me whether I'm alright.
Theres a hell lot more, but since dear doesnt like long posts. I'll stop here, for now.

I just realised how sweet dear is.

New blogskin

Nice blogskin right? Yeah, I love it.

School was nothing much, was busy designing the canon notebook that dear gave me. Now its unrecognisable. Its my work and I'm proud of it, Thanks to jean who gave me the idea of it.


I think tomorrow's gonna be a busy day.
I will meet up with esther at 11.30 and the entire video team at 12.
Hey hey, I want to eat KFC tmr, I book liao. ^^
Then afterwards, settle whatever I need to after DARE. Cos meeting dear around 5.30?
I want to play time crisis. Meeting jean at the time crisis machine.
Then following dear go chalet. Can't stay for long.
Sunday got lao ma's birthday. Then after that, will go down to suntec for usual bonding session.
First, it was LANing session, now its bonding session. -.-"
Dont know larr, see first. Im so happy my internet is working again.

Can't wait to see dar tomorrow. 26 more hours!

Napfa

For once, i passed everything! From shuttle run to sit and reach. Even incline pull ups. So happy!
Thanks to dear, who told me to share with him my achievements. First thought, WHAT achievements? All my failed ones? But nah, thanks to the grace of my beloved daddy god and dear, I managed to pass. Everything.
So happy.

Now at xiao yee's house. Blogging. And chatting on the phone.
Yupp, love dear larr. So talented. Forgotted to add in the fact that he can make blogkins too.
Julianca's mouth dropped open when I told her that dear is from ACS(I),

Thought of the day: Its not just that we PL girls cannot attract ACS guys. Its just that Its rather hard to find an un-snobbish ACS guy.

Well, I did manage to find. I must be the luckiest girl on earth. XD
Dear was kidding about break ups just now. And I seriously did freeze for awhile.
That thought rarely crossed my mind. Guess its gonna get me thinking for awhile. A very LONG while.

Nvm, I still got energy to kick edmund on sat. So better watch out. XD

Tired...drained...

Its been a long time since you said those words to me, since you used that tone on me. Mum, did it ever occurred to you, Im trying my best?
Called Amos and cried the hell out. Just calmed down when dear called. Thanks you two, :D

Internet couldnt work yesterday. So was on the phone was dear until THEY came back.
Mum was damn bullshit. I wanted to sleep, she still could wake me up and told me to keep the clothes for her. Loads of crap. In the end, had quite a peaceful sleep until I pulled myself out of bed at 6.16 to check on the internet. Thank god it worked.

Have napfa 5 items today. And they changed today's timetable to friday's. A little bo liao, but hmm, on another note, theres no pe. ^^
Nothing much to blog, can't wait for sat. Can kick edmund in the shin.

EDMUND KOH JUN GUO, I am in the best of mood now. So Im gonna kill you on sat. I don't care about soloing cos I am sure I can do it. So you better watch out. XD

Im afraid...really afraid.

I hate myself. I suggested that I back off when I know I can't do it.
Even after everything, I am still deeply in love with you. I really am.

It has only been 4 days. Dear, please don't do this to me..

Please..

You were the one

You were the one that caught my attention the moment you walked into yoshinoya
You were the one whom I thought was good-looking the moment I saw you.
You were the one who attracted me with that smile of yours.

You were the one who amazed me with your leadership skills.
You were the one caring for the weak.(In L4D)
You were the one who guided us without a mistake.

You were the one who I talked to straight after I got the chance to
You were the one who put that long lost smile on my face.
You were the one I refused to admit that I liked.

You were the one whom I missed the whole week.
You were the one that I knew I could like without regret.
However, you were the one whom I feared the most.

You were the one that I longed to see when sunday came.
You were the one that I knew would ease my aching heart.
You were the one who wrote those simple words that I refused to understand.

You were the one who comforted me with your familiar voice.
You were the one who told me to believe in myself.
Finally, at that moment. I knew that, you were the one.

The one I have been searching for...and more.

Insecurities,

Met up with dear today. I decided randomly during english class that I CANNOT wait till sat.
Hence, 854-ed down to yishun. Walked around randomly. Then he came in. Look so cute in his jc uniform! XD PDA-ed abit. ABIT ONLY.

Then walk walk. Then went to find a place where can eat. But in the end, ate at some nice coffee shop. Then slacked at some random block's top storey. 11th storey. Seems like we both like a place where we can be alone.
It seems like the trip there was worth it. I wont give the details for the sake of others reading my blog.

Went back to north point. Bought bubble tea and took pics. Went to pet lovers centre. Suddenly, giddy spell come back while taking pics. Either lighting/brain freeze/blood rush. Either ways, sat 853 back to AMK. Slept on the bus. But stupid uncle kept braking so much. Kept waking up. Then walked with him to my bus stop.

Came back, chatted with chris and amos and alwyn. Dear wasn't online yet. So yeah...but I was bothered in the 76. But its cleared up, so yeah. ^^

To ice-kun: Dear, I promise you I will study hard. And I will. I want to be an independant girl to match up to you, my talented boyfriend. I want to be the girl who walks by your side, holding your hand, lying on your shoulder. I want to be the one that you can proudly tell people that I am your girlfriend. I want to be the best girlfriend you can ever have. I want to make you happy, be your purpose in life. No matter what direction you chose to go, I will always support you.















Us and us alone, taken by ice-kun. No one else can do such wonderful photography.














Taken at north point. Love you larr. No one can make me smile like you do.

Cant wait for sat, cant wait for sat.