Different

I can never stop asking myself, asking God, why do you have to do this?
Making me fall in love with a guy that i can never be with,
I love you and i cant deny it, This fucking sucks.

Im sorry. So so sorry for that night. That one night, one word; mistake.
Its a mistake i would never regret though.

Same for you.

I can only wish happiness for you, to see you happy is the greatest joy for me.

I could never understand that phrase previously but now I do.


I didn't mean to fall in love with you, but baby theres a name for what you put me through.
It isnt love its robbery,
Im sleeping with the ghost of you and me.



Goodbye, my love.

Afraid

I have never been more afraid to make a wrong move,

A mistake, something i might regret to take away my reason. I want to keep my promise you know?

This wonderful fantasy, a too good to be true dream, I don't want it to end.

I don't want to wake up.

Be it 4 days, 4 months or 4 years and still counting...

I will wait.

那个人，他也随着风，走了

Better late then never

This chapter is closed, never to open again.

Memories..everywhere.

Am i supposed to stare at the close door and say, come back?

I won't. Not this time.

Save you

Take a breath, I pull myself together
Just another step until I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know

When I hear you voice it's drowning in whispers
It's just skin and bones, it's nothing left to take
And no matter what I do I can't make you feel better
If I only I could find the answer to help me understand

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know

That if you fall, stumble down I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up 'cause I'll be waiting
If you fall you know I'll be there for you

If only I could find the answer to take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know

I wish I could save you, I want you to know
I wish I could save you

Its not enough

Double eyelids when I woke up this morning.

It was all worth it guys.

Meals comp meals psp meals card games meals sleep.

With a snap, I'm reminded of reality. Things I have to do, things I have to face.

Things I don't want to face.

2011 started off badly. But the pizza and blackjack was definately fun.

I was really happy. But then there is o level results, that pressure to get a job...

money...and...

2010 is over,

Fuck my life yet again.

Why does it ALWAYS fucking happen to me?

Both parties wouldnt make my life any easier.

At this rate im going to have a mental breakdown,

Any fucking time soon.

Havent had those long for almost an hour talks. In a long long time.

Had ramen yesterday and a crazy amount of guo tie.

Played around with dear otw to far east.

Havent smiled and felt so tired in a long long time.

=)

I want to try porcini fettucine.

I dont want to be here anymore.

I beg of you,









take me away.

"Why can't you be like other people's kids?"

You want me to smoke? Drink? Take drugs?

"One day, you're going to get TB at the rate you're going, sleeping so late."

1 is late? Sometimes, I really want to show you how much worse I can get.

"You didnt use to be like that you know, why now you so rebellious?"

Sometimes, i really wanna take drugs, drink or smoke, Just to show you,

How much worse can i get.

I cant take it.

I dont like it, I said it out.

And so?

What was the point of that?

Night of the living dead

Kiseki is <3

Finally remembered why its such an awesome song.

I wish it doesnt hurt so bad

I will always remember you guys man.

Awesome idiocy and just being completely RANDOM.

I go my kitchen and cry!

Ahem ahem~

Finally guessed it right huh? So spot on! So xia lan =)

And iz, WRINKLES =D

And to you, I'm sorry, i wish it didnt have to hurt so badly.

As i have said already, it was at the wrong place.

At the wrong time.

A fleeting dream...

As sudden as it has came, it has drifted away.

Whenever I think of you, I'm filled with guilt.

I don't know what to say.

When I gained something...

I lose another.

I guess its called, "You can't have everything."

I know it's only a dream...

I need to wake up

What would be the outcome of this cycle?

No matter what, I don't regret anything.
Except if given a chance, I would choose to never have meet you.
It would be better anyway, for the two of us

i'm sorry

I got the message that you sent,

I know that this is what you meant.

Maybe someday I will see you again,

And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend...

Haha...

Impossible.

Today was confusing

Sent my cousin and uncle off today.

Was sad and happy at the same time. I have my (normal)life back.

Maybe im not that sad cos I know its temporary.

Is it because I know the pain of losing someone permanantly?

Which brings me to that confusing train of thought.

Which is getting me nowhere.

Nya nya nya.

Talking about random stuff at 5am.

Reminds me of old times.

Having those kind of talks with jem,

Also reminds me of 2 years ago.

Haha,

you guys are the best

=)

I miss you

Everything seems so wrong when you're not here.

Although im glad, hey, Its only temporary.

I never ever want to lose you.

Never.

I musn't take your presence for granted.

I love you.

Too much.

Irritated

Getting irritated with every question asked.

Damn fucking tired.

Burn

Just gonna stand there watch me burn.

Its ok because i like the way it hurts.

You're gonna stand there hear me cry,

Its alright because I like the way you lie.

Did nothing much today. I think I'm wasting my saturdays away

Going mad

Today was fun. Except for the fever part.

Eating ice cream, chips at the void deck. Drawing dratini.

Dragonair's-Dragonass? =P

Tormenting amanda with my mad self. =)

So fun. That wasnt mad my dear girl.

That was simply sugar rush.

Im glad you're back. :)

Triggers back memories of going to SOY,

Meeting you at EOY,

Those countless hours on the phone.

Somehow after so long...

Im still addicted to calling you 老大

FML

one of my oldest friends..

"hey, b4 we hook up.... if i ever hear you calling me names like honey bunny, dear, darling or what shit.... prepare to get a durian shell shoved up where the sun dun shine..."

Cant stop laughing.
Talking with her brings back a lot of good memories.

Somehow, you're the one who was with me through it all

Too tired to do anything this few days.

Tired, depressed.

Somehow the only way out is...

Somehow I wonder if I'll even make it to the end.

...

Even if I do, I want to be with him.

あとどれくらい時間は降り積もるの　生まれたての白よ
人々は明かり灯してじっと　別世界が光に溢れる朝を待ってる
Tra ra ra ra　舞い上がる雪
Tra ra ra ra　夢のように
何もかも覆い尽くす雪が　全てを忘れさせるの

掴もうと広げた手の中で　消えてゆく儚さ
明日には姿変えてしまう　一瞬の煌きこの瞳に　焼き付けていきたい
Tra ra ra ra　舞い上がる雪
Tra ra ra ra　夢のように
どこまでも続く白い世界は　空へと続いているよう

星降る月夜に　時間が止まる
辺りは静寂に包まれてゆく
snow dome dream

Tra ra ra ra　舞い上がる雪
Tra ra ra ra　夢のように

刻々と移りゆく早さに　自分を見失いそう

'wisdom talks'

I hate your hypocriptical nonsense.
I hate your choice of words.
I hate it that you belong in this family.
I hate it that you even appeared in
my life. You were nothing but a source of trouble.
Useless good for nothing bastard. Fucking bastard.

"only two months left till the exam that will change your life. You better use the time wisely.
If you don't know what it means, go ask
mummy." ask your fat fucking self, who is the one who
is disturbing me from my studying? Please lah? The two of you are.
And maybe if you didn't banned me from going out on weekdays,
you would actually see some results. At this moment, I smiled.
I so wanted to say fuck you dad.
I want to see him dead. I hope a heart us never going to be available.
You make me sick, the very sound of your voice.
Fml

More then anything else, I love you

Screwed up

Thing were alright just now.
How does it feel to be torn apart by two parties?
Dear, you are my first piority. And you are because I love you.
My parents are second but they have to be obeyed out of fear. Not respect.

Everytime I cry, I have to watch out for them. This doesn't feel remotely close to a home.
Fuck this shit. Once I can break free, I'll make sure you guys will pay.
Bunch of motherfuckers who doesn't know how to appreciate things done for them.
Especially you dad, I.hope.you.drop.DEAD

My happiest hello, my hardest goodbye

Didnt want to go today.
Wanted to stay longer. But I cant.

So when I was in the taxi, I thought,
I would make up for all our lost time when I get to poly.

I promise.

Love you.

Look you stupid bastard, you got no arms left!

"Yes I have!"
"Look!"
"Just a flesh wound."

=)

"Alright, we'll call it a draw."
=)=)=)

Monty python owns all.

When everything is turning against you,
I'll be here.

I promise.

School

WIth eyes struggling to focus, I can hardly see what is written on the white board or whats being shown on the screen.
It does not help thst I sit directly at the back, in a corner by the window. I refuse to move though, I love my seat. Its quiet, I can study at my own pace.

Had a pretty much relaxing day today. Social studies in the morning. Followed by Geography. Oh I hate geog. Followed by recess...then bio.

What happened in school wasnt interesting. What happened after was more interesting. To me only.
Supposed to go to the dentist but had to hand up some form first. Tomorrow then.
We had lunch at the primary school with philida(Dont know how to spell) and her friend. Guided her a little on oral, picture discussion.

Soon, they left. Jean and I started talking about random stuff.
"So the sponge in pieces..." That line was the funniest.

Sat a 62 home. Started reading salem falls. Nice and GREAT book.
Hmm...mum cut her hair. Ok lar, not bad.

Set ge to afk....went to shower....
Now I want to sleep. Maybe I'll continue reading.
....

Later.

I hate the fact that its hurting you.
I hate the fact that I hate it.
However, you love 'it' and its hurting you.

How am I suppose to love it cos its hurting you and how am I suppose to hate it cos you love it?

You make me hate you even more then anything.

Im glad everything turned out fine in the end,
=)
Thanks for coming over on sat dear,
it was nice seeing you.

Thanks jere for sango-ing with me.
YES, I got my second sr.
Addicted to that feeling.

Should I go to school tomorrow?

Eyes are hurting everytime I wake up in the morning.
Im dreading to go back to sleep.

...

Im pretty bored at home too.
Maybe I'll go tomorrow.

Grateful

Had a very fun day today! =)
Went for church service with Jean, Melissa, Seph and Jem.
Then went for lunch, Amanda joined in(This is where the fun came in)

In the end, went to just acia cos we couldnt find the cleanee in suntec. Suspected it closed down.
Had ice cream =) With choco powder.

Went to sango. yay! I improved a lot! Can control horse le.
Run into counter 2-3 times in a total of 6 games.

Went to eat with parents after that. Not very fun. But quite nice.

Im grateful for my boyfriend actually. And friends.
I am who I am cos of them.
Love you guys.

Been talking about Jung Min these few days. He looks too good in fighter and DeJa Vu.
He doesnt look so good in Love ya. But hes damn hot. Hell to those who says he went for plastic surgery and those who says hes gay. (Feng's comments are exceptional. =)

Feeling very confused these few days, its even worse when theres no GE to keep my mind off things.

I cant do anything in my current state.

Im sorry im not smart,
Im sorry I dont look good,
Im sorry I cant do anything for you.
Im sorry I cant give you anything.

I only have my heart to offer.
And my ears if you need to rant.
And anything that I can give.

Im sorry im not anything more that you want/need.

Mood swings

I feel myself blowing up.
At every single little thing.

I dont want anyone to take my place

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in I won't let you down
It messed me up need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around

Please?

Not true

I hope that things can take another path.
Please dont let it be a month...

I.Don't.Care

Didnt I say I wouldnt bother? Crap.
I said I didnt need you, doesnt mean we cant be friends. This is the last time I'm gonna try.

If you think I have a motive, be my fucking guest.
You dont even need to accept my friend request.

One day, you're gonna stop and realised that you're pushing everyone away from you. One by one.

JUNG MIN

Ahh, hes damn cute. :D

Taiga: *puke blooehgrsh*

Life sucks,

What the fuck is your problem? Seriously.
Everything you are creating trouble about links nothing to the stupid phone.

Ah whatever.
I agree with mum why no one is ever close to you. I want the peace in my house now to last.

Ahhh, so peaceful...

心痛

哄得我泪眼迷蒙
做些事情让我被感动
望着你突然一阵心痛
一次又一次任那感情放纵
你的脆弱让我走不开
你的依赖所以我存在
想着你还是想到心痛
期待我做的将来你都会懂
有一天真如果有一天
但愿我还在你记忆中

Power trip

Why cant it be the visualizer instead of the air con that wasnt working?
Fine, the fan should work at least. T_T
Not that i didnt want to hear what was being went through, I couldn't even concentrate in that stuffy hall. Especially when more carbon dioxide was being let out.

Drifted off uncomfortably. Heard footsteps around the hall, people trying to fix it. The fans turn on and when they tried to turn on the lights. Poof, the fans went.

Finally around 10 o'clock, the fans AND lights came on. Which means the air con should be working. But they only switched on air con around 1.
I was sweating like a pig by then.

At least I passed my languages...
At least.
And somehow, I'm sure I can think of greater inventions then the macs.
But at the moment, I can think of nothing else. Macs ftw

I can never be where you are.

Finally got one unknown ore after 3 or 4 days...(claire's quest)
My first...I dont want to think about the second.

Denon C452, I'm happy.

Tomorrow Chinese intensive...

...

Save me...

One year, one month, one day

I never want to let you go.
I love you. Hope you had a happy birthday.

Hibernated this morning, vaguely remembering replying, "No." to my mum when she asked me if I wanted to go school.
Good Good, I still have to wake him up at 12.55.
Remember him calling around 12...I think? Then he said he will call me back.
Then received sms around 4...Yeah, good. My brain is still fuctioning.
Time to go get panadol. Stupid headache.

Come away with me he said,

and you can lead a new life.

One without pain or sorrow or

strife. You can be free. You

can be happy. You can be me.

I know I have extremely good friends.
And I thank god for them.

Splitting headache.
And im dead, I slept during math, I slept during lit.
Lucky was awake during POA. And did math during LIVE.

Feels good to come home to a comp. On Ge, then study.

Oh, just now when i was doing math, there was this extremely loud lightning.
I screamed damn loud and then i realised I was shaking.
Must be the ghost stories we were telling each other.

LOL. Better get back to studying.

Love study sessions,

Cos its too much fun, for amanda. :)

Was whacking teaching Amanda today, and of course studied myself.
So funn

If this your decision

And there's nothing I can do.
I can only say to you,
Even if you want to go from here alone,
I will be waiting when you're coming home.
If you need someone to ease the pain,
You can lean on me, my love will still remain.

I will still love you, when tomorrow comes...
And the day after tomorrow.
And the day after next...

The city

You held up your camera, started to change your lense. And started to see what did you want to take for the day, I felt blessed, and i could just stand there with you for as long as you want to.

Your pictures were awesome, even if you said it was not.

You can go wherever you wish, because I'll be there wherever you are.

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss him
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty

Or will we end up getting hurt
Is this love a myth
So tell me are you in for this
There's so much more than we can see
More than you
More than me
It takes two to believe!

Maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
Maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why when you're young you fall in love

And that's the reason why
When you're young you fall in love [2x]

Friends...not

Thanks issac, thanks jere.

I told jean today that it really wouldn't matter if she accepts me or not. All I need is feng and the rest. She just nodded, to my surprise. I thought she would make some comment but even then, I will not take it back. But then again. I feel like I only have 3 friends in school.

Sighs.............
Females..........I dont understand them.

Yes, even myself.

CHAOS, GIN, LAWLIET

Ahh, only jean will know what that means.

Hectic day in school today, and yay for tomorrow cos there is no geog.
Amanda never come school, nobody to bully. TT
had to stay back for heartbeat full dress rehearsal. Thank god the lighting wasnt as bad as I thought. But the actors were half in and out of the light. -.-

One year with dear already, I love you.
Thanks for everything.
Sorry can't celebrate with you.

Ahh, chaos........*Drool*

The pain never really goes away,

New comp, new internet, AND SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE ME LOSE

Bloody crap, I lost the moment I went to my dearest and dying blog.

Thanks dear for the awesome taokaka's map picture. I love it!!!

And I got my new comp but had to deal with the loss of a friend, but I think others have it harder then me.

And oh yes, I passed my napfa 5 items!!!
And dar said:" If 5 items you fail, something must be very wrong~"
Damn, I nearly failed my SBJ. And safely did my shuttle run.

I know its hard, everyone do take care.

Short update.
Well, I shifted house and I dont have internet there.
So my updates wont be that regular.
I just spend my time at home lying on the bed.

I am finding it impossible to blog with a laptop.

I may be getting my comp in april. Yay.

Um um, i dont really have anything to say.
Next time then

I have nothing to say to an idiot like you,

Stitch chomping on a biscuit is simply too cute
Chomp Chomp

I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said...

Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...

Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes.

Whos in the wrong?

Love....
What is love?

-Love is when mummy saves the best piece of chicken for daddy-
bull...thats bullshit.

I have no idea why im caught in everything,
Sometimes, i can laugh it off with jeremy,
but its really not funny sometimes,

I have some energy to keep going, after all
When I look at you, I see myself,

Think before you speak,
WHOS really in the wrong?

And of course, you don't have the power to stop me,
I will be her friend,
If she has no friends, I will be her friend.
And if you are not happy with that, I have nothing to say.

After all, you were one of them...who threatened to leave me behind.
You told me those stuff, you hit me down.
You were one of them who didn't care whether I was crying or not,
If shes really friendless, i will be her friend.

Am I making sense?
No, i dont think so.

CNY~

Earned 420 plus plus during chinese new year, all going to the new comp.

School started, NUUUU
And the stupid apple song is stuck in my head.
No, its not bad apple, its the Hi-5 apple song jere was singing today. Damn,

Had quite an ok day today,
I think they're dota-ing now,
Oh well, have fun dar.

Lalalalala,

Im falling asleep on my chair.

I wonder how we can survive this romance,
But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the tears,

I'm sorry darling for sounding so snappy whenever you call.
Whenever you put down, I just can't stop crying,
I don't want you to hear me cry

Drawing at the void deck

Today lessons was kinda productive, although I fell asleep in bio, but I listened in math,
All i can remember from live was, me rubbing jean's bruise caused by me, and walking in and out of the hall.

After school, went to house downstairs eat maggie!
After that supposed to study but all began drawing instead,

Haha, managed to draw out one drawing, jean drawed her manga,
Chatted abit and all went home to facebook. Lol

Yay, today was such a productive day,(For all the wrong things.)

Hate every beautiful day

I just miss you like hell now,

Lots of work to do, common test, cip all next week.
Plus CNY.

Someone just kill me

Its love, all over again.

As long as we're together,
I will always try my best to,
1. Let you have your space,
2. Make this last
3. Make your day happy.
4. Love you(I do not need to try for this one.)

I love you a lot dar,
Thanks for everything

Fatigue

I don't know exactly how tired I am but, I do know that I need to start taking afternoon naps. And for those who know me, I NEVER take afternoon naps unless I'm not feeling well.

I feel like my brain is like a dried sponge.
But its okay, if it keeps me from calling you, it keeps me from disturbing you,
My heart skips a beat, a couple of beats whenever I see you on msn, whenever I see, hear your name, whenever I talk to you.
Its like falling in love with you over again.
...
Its so weird, I don't know why am I crying...

I shall go and sleep,
And dream that you are with me,

Relationships

"Please do me a favour."
"Stop listening to my music cos its rude?"
"No, learn ragna on feng's comp."

Wtf, I agreed,

Played bishi bashi yesterday, died so early TT


Alot of people over at dear dear's house
So I think I'll go over tomorrow. :)
Love you,

Want to quit blazblue.

So many things happened today, just don't feel like mentionining it.
Fuck, suddenly damn depressed.

"For the time being, stay at home every sunday."

Faster die lah please, causing everyone trouble nia

Camp tomorrow

How am I going to survive?

Camp tomorrow. Can't see you for about one and a half days, cant the camp be shifted to a weekday? TT

Really wanted to head down to dar's house but cannot, got to get ready for camp.
Think i'll bring my phone, then can sms with him in the night! If he even wants to.
Sat going down after camp breaks, I swear.

Have mixed feelings about dad being discharged, TT Three days of being alone at home is great.
Now my room is my sanctuary when hes home,

Bet I'll miss you when Im in camp.
I'll probably even miss you calling me idiot or even garfield.
How did the garfield part come in? Oh ya, i was damn sian, the momment he called me to eat, i stood up immediately. But its not my perma nickname,
I dont want!

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

#2 When she misses you, she’s hurting inside.

#3 When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers.

#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don’t let her go.

#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.

#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.

#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.

#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she’s beautiful.

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don’t say a word.

#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

#13 When she’s scared, protect her.

#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.

#17 When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.

#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.

#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

#25 Don’t let her have the last word.

#26 Don’t call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.

#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.

#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.

#29 When she’s mad, hug her tight and don’t let go.

#30 When she says she’s OK, don’t believe it, talk to
her about it, because 10 yrs later she’ll still remember it.

#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

#33 Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.

#34 Don’t ignore her when she’s out with you and your friends.

#35 Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.

#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

#37 Let her into your world.

#38 Let her wear your clothes.

#39 When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her

#40 Let her know she’s important.

#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?”

#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you’d read it too.

I dont expect you to do any of those, i just want to be important to you.
I just want you to miss me and think of me,
Just a fraction of your mind will do....

I'm sorry im so annoying,

Is there a place where I can cry, alone?

I have to find myself

I miss you, even if you're right here beside me.

Theres so many things I want to say...So many things I wish i can do with you now,
But I have to study first.

And one of the qualities that I loved so much in you, is helpfulness. And now, I still love it.
I trust you, I want to be behind you all the way.
Its either I take the impossible way, or the hard way. And I have made my choice, someday, you will know what is going on, and I don't expect you to say I'm noble or anything, thats why i don't want to tell anyone right now, it'll be a secret!

But thanks so much chris, I really appreciate it, all your advice, all your patience.
You're an awesome guy, but don't worry, in my eyes, feng is still the best XD

"You know what kind of girl I think you are? I think you are a very cheerful girl."
"One of the greatest gifts you have, is empathy."
Not to be praising myself, but I think he is right.
Even if empathy is my ONLY talent. I will never let it go.

I miss you dear, please come back soon.

Faling...just let me fall

I felt better when i wasn't studying so hard during N levels.
Its not like I don't like studying or anything, with careful thought, I enjoy studying for several reasons.

But now, even when I'm studying like, in school, at home. I'm feeling worse...and worse...
Thanks for calling this morning, I really appreciate it.
I know today is going to be a shitty day, but when i wake up, I saw that for once, my dog did not pee on my floor, i am not late. I can still use the comp, and feng called me...
Maybe I should kick away that mindset,

Listening in class...I should do more for math and not just certain subjects...
POA test next week...hopefully can get disposal accounts right before then,

I want the past, in the present

Its just so hard to express how much I love you,
I remembered you sent me a song, more then words. I know I should not use words. I should use more actions.
And I only remembered the song after so long...I finally figured a way to express how I feel.
By not calling you and irritating the hell out of you.

I just want you to have your freedom too. But on the other hand, im frightened that we might drift away. You sound so cold nowadays. I hope you'll understand that, its because I don't want you to be angry every time I have nothing to say, I know you need time with others too.

All the time I didn't call you, i was thinking about you half of the time. Maybe 3/4.
You get along with others so well, its only me, I know the problem lies with me. I'm sorry.
Reading your blog posts to keep myself occupied, only to find that others knew how to treasure you, I did not.
(I'm typing this blog post out because there no where else for me to convey my message to you.) And I don't expect you to pity me or anything. I just want you to know I'm just...trying to express how I feel in a less irritating way.

Maybe its due to the fact that i have been studying from 3am till 5 am and fall back asleep again that i have been so tired, the need to hear your voice was just pushing me on and on.
After studying for so long, the results I got was falling asleep at my table and not understanding anything in maths. i did well for chem though, bio was hopeless.(It really helps when i hear your voice in the morning,)

Please don't lose your patience with me,
I still love you, its a poor excuse for what im doing but its true.

Smiles :)

Went to iluma to play blazblue yesterday with feng, jere and phay, alwyn was there too.

Quite fun actually. Thanks dear for the fries and bubble tea, I thought i was supposed to pay.
sat 851 to bugis meet jere and alwyn. Blazblue abit ler then went to eat,

then went back and bb again. -.-"

But all in all, it was quite enjoyable.

Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is OK
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

Im so tired...
But I have to study later.

I just feel so tired these few days, even though I have been sleeping and all.
Maybe its just school,

Dear, sorry if I've been a pest, its just that I miss you a lot.
I will try to study more so i can keep myself more busy and will not bother you so much.
I seriously want us to last!

Go enjoy your show kay. I'll talk to you later.

Possibly going to burn midnight oil today, since I don't have a problem of waking up

Looks like I went mia for a long time, sorry! Internet was down.
Kayy, quick update. Had quite good food on sat and sun.
Saturday-Treated feng/taiga/feng feng taiga and jeremy to ajisen ramen,
Sunday- Went to eat steak at astons prime with the same two people.
finally had my macaroni and cheese.

No school tomorrow! All thanks to the awesome sec 4 and 5 batch of 09. I see already also stressed,

Think im heading down to see dar tomorrow. Miss him a lot.
In the meantime, having some intensive training to improve my bb and games along that line, hopefully it'll be successful.

Nothing much to say now, update next time.
Ps: Astons prime steak is really really good.

"You are here."

Just read that book today, Apparently it was so good, i couldnt stop reading it,

I can almost imagine her calling out, 'dear dear.'
And everything. I think I know how she felt when he screams at her..

I don't want him to be taken from me forcfully.
I promise I will treasure him,
...
Only that I know I say the stupidest of things sometimes.

In a sorrow space,
In my deepest dreams,
I remember, I remember seeing you
I remember your eyes
I remember your smile
I remember you

In a lonely night,
As I remember, I remember,
I remember hearing you
I remember your words
I remember your breath
I remember you

Chorus:
As I feel cold, I feel cold,
You give me your clothes; you give me your warm
As I feel hungry, I feel hunger
You give me your food; you feed me with life
As I feel down, I feel depressed
You give me hope; you feel me hope
You are here

In a sorrow space,
In my deepest dreams,
I remember, I remember seeing you
I remember your eyes
I remember your smile
I remember you

I love the lyrics, though its not really a song.
...
I love you,

Thank you dear

Was alseep soundly till 7.00 am this morn, and the best thing that woke me up was his call!

I guess he wanted to see if I'm awake. Yawns...

Better get something done by tonight. Tired to the max
Waiting for dar's call.
...
Will continue to attempt to finish my english compre and compo.

2010

The first day is nice enough,
First day of school was okay okay, except for the pile of holiday homework I have yet to complete.

So many things lined up for me in jan,
16 jan, parents-teacher meeting, I am so not looking forward to this.
Then I have camp at the end of jan. Argh. I hate camps.

Time to go finish my lot of homework.

SJ3 is mine

2009..the most eventful year of my life?

Its the second last year of my secondary school life,
And I actually met you,

To think I was trying to be someone I was not,
after thinking back, its just NOT worth it.

Dear, its about 9 months and still going?
I spent,
-120409, our first day together.
-120509, your birthday together.
-National day
-Christmas eve
-Christmas day
-New years eve
-New years day!
All together with you.

...

2010,
I will face this year with a positive attitude.
Gambatte!

BIRTHDAY WISH LIST!

That headphones(Its abit ex so people can share. I dont mind ^^)
That phone which im gonna get it soon, myself

Actually thats all i really want.
And please tell me what you all want alright?
I really cant read minds.

And so....
THE HEADPHONES SOUND SO GOOD. Omg.

But its 58 bucks. Its ok, you all can share. :D
Jere's xmas and birthday presents are about the same, just different colour.
^^

Christmas presents!

Should put my wishlist up!

A new school bag(I already know what I want)
A pencil case
MONEY(For my new comp)
VK manga(Volume 9, thanks iz!)
A plain black hoodie

Thats about it,
Things that I need.

My birthday list would be up soon! ^^

Thanks dar, for the awesome pencil case.

Thank god,
I passed.
Thanks everyone for asking,

Today,

Later on, 2.30 pm.

I would be getting my results.

Dont even know why im scared shitless.

Just hope I can pass.

So that my comp will stay with me

Visions

So many people are talking about what they want to do.
As for me, I have my career already planned out. But what if i don't do well?
5 more days, Im seriously freaked.

As for him, he doesnt know what he wants to do. But I'm fine with it.
Because whatever he does, he does it well. No matter whether its last minute or what.
And I know he'll excel, whereas I'm unsure for myself.
I want to go poly like all my friends, I mean, except for jeremy whos in jc(smart guy)

No use ranting, 5 more days.
If I fail, then its ITE.
I can't change anything now.

People have confidence in me,
But I dont have confidence for my results.

God help me

Crazy work shift

EPIC working yesterday.
The manager sucks, 3 of my school teachers were there, and we got there an hour late. :D

But all in all, had a good time serving drinks, having dinner afterwards and rushing for the bus.
Was determined not to get a lift home from her.
Talked to dar and phay and fell asleep.

Heading over to dar's house soon.
I love you. ><