I want the past, in the present

Its just so hard to express how much I love you,
I remembered you sent me a song, more then words. I know I should not use words. I should use more actions.
And I only remembered the song after so long...I finally figured a way to express how I feel.
By not calling you and irritating the hell out of you.

I just want you to have your freedom too. But on the other hand, im frightened that we might drift away. You sound so cold nowadays. I hope you'll understand that, its because I don't want you to be angry every time I have nothing to say, I know you need time with others too.

All the time I didn't call you, i was thinking about you half of the time. Maybe 3/4.
You get along with others so well, its only me, I know the problem lies with me. I'm sorry.
Reading your blog posts to keep myself occupied, only to find that others knew how to treasure you, I did not.
(I'm typing this blog post out because there no where else for me to convey my message to you.) And I don't expect you to pity me or anything. I just want you to know I'm just...trying to express how I feel in a less irritating way.

Maybe its due to the fact that i have been studying from 3am till 5 am and fall back asleep again that i have been so tired, the need to hear your voice was just pushing me on and on.
After studying for so long, the results I got was falling asleep at my table and not understanding anything in maths. i did well for chem though, bio was hopeless.(It really helps when i hear your voice in the morning,)

Please don't lose your patience with me,
I still love you, its a poor excuse for what im doing but its true.